July 26, 1920 – At the Olympic Games in Antwerp, Belgium, 72-year-old Oscar Swahn of Sweden wins a silver medal in shooting, making him the oldest medallist in Olympic history. Sadly, Swahn was imprisoned days later for shooting some kids who wouldn’t get off his lawn.

July 27, 1952 – Emil Zatopek of Czechoslovakia wins the Olympic marathon to become the only man to sweep the 5,000 meters, 10,000 meters and marathon. Zatopek is also the only man in history to bleed dry out of his nipples.

July 28, 1978 – Fred Lynn of the Boston Red Sox hits two doubles, two triples, and a home run in a game. The feat was not as impressive as it could have been, however, because one of his doubles or triples was not a single, thereby robbing him of hitting for the ever-prestigious cycle.

July 29, 1928 – Paavo Nurmi of Finland wins the 10,000-meter race at the Amsterdam Olympics for his ninth gold medal. Nurmi was aided by the fact that all of his 10,000m competitors got their hands on some fine Amsterdam weed and never made it out of the locker room for the race.

July 30, 1908 – American George Schuster wins the first around-the-world automobile race four days after German Hans Koeppen finishes but is then disqualified when it is discovered he rode a train for part of the distance. Oddly, no one seemed to care that Schuster took a boat across the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

July 31, 1954 – Milwaukee Braves first baseman Joe Adcock hits four home runs and a double against Brooklyn, establishing a major league record with 18 total bases. The feat was touted with the headline “Braves have fun when they just Adcock” in the Milwaukee Gay Times.

August 1, 1986 – Tennis star John McEnroe marries former child actor, and “Bad News Bears” star, Tatum O’Neal. McEnroe was disappointed to learn that night that O’Neal’s virginity had been taken by “Bears” costar Walter Matthau.