Dave Saraiva

It’s been an exciting week for the New York metropolitan area. First, the New Meadowlands Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey was chosen as the site for the 2014 Super Bowl. Now, the New York Post reports that Jets coach Rex Ryan has been chosen as the site for a massive 2014 coronary failure. Ryan said he was “honored” by the distinction but admitted to being a little concerned.

In its latest attempt to contain a catastrophic oil spill, the British Petroleum company has announced plans to lower Astros left fielder Carlos Lee over the gusher. BP hopes the size and girth of the slugger will be enough to plug the leak and buy workers time to repair it.

Everybody is complaining about the length of baseball games these days, from fat umpires to self-righteous journalists, to…well, that’s about it. Here a few ways to shorten the national pastime so we can stop listening to people complain about it.

With the new Iron Man movie, Iron Man 2, set to hit theatres next month, rumors are already circulating about possible storylines for the third installment, set to be released in 2012. One rumor, which has been making the rounds on the internet for weeks, was confirmed today by Marvel Studios: the main villain in Iron Man 3 will be none other than ultra-evil Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski.

In a ruling that will change the way NFL games are played, the league has approved a new, modified sudden death proposal. The proposal, which will take effect for 2010 season, stipulates that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre should get the ball at least once in overtime.

One day after signing LaDainian Tomlinson to a two-year, $5 million contract, the Jets received some bad news from their new running back: Tomlinson, exhausted from jet lag after flying back and forth to and from San Diego, will skip the first two months of the season in order to “stay fresh.”

Fifteen-year-old Benny Calvert got his first snowboard at the age of 13 and has been riding ever since. Though he is barely a high school student and has no formal training, he spends nearly all his free time launching off ramps and hurtling through the air, avoiding certain death through mere luck.

Another Super Bowl has come and gone, and with it, a bunch of ads. SportsPickle has taken the liberty of grading these ads. So if you Tivo’d the Super Bowl and want to know which ads to skip, this is the guide for you.