Filed Under » wnba

They’ve done College Co-Eds. They’ve done Island Orgy. Same with Wet T-Shirt Strip-Off, Doggy Style, Dormroom Fantasies, and Finally 18. But finally, after 77 “GirlsGoneWild” editions, the DVD series will feature all of the hottest, hardest, sweatiest, moan-inducing fouls from the WNBA’s 13 years.

“This is the most aggressive, hardcore ‘GirlsGoneWild’ DVD yet,” said franchise founder Joe Francis. “Thesegirls hold nothing back and want to get it on with each other. We turned the cameras on and they wanted to go at it all night long.”

Francis also said the newWNBAedition features some of the most diversegirls ever included in a “GirlsGoneWild” DVD.

“There’s someone for everybody, every freakish fetish,” he said. “Tall ones. Skinny ones.Girlswho are all muscular. Jiggly, beefy ones. Even a few with mustaches. I can guarantee that there is at least one player on there that will make every guy want to whip out his balls and stroke it. And I mean that both as a euphemism for masturbation and because there is a lot of good, fundamentally-sound basketball shown that could motivate you to go out and play some hoops and practice your jumper. You know, after you’re done whacking it.”

The soft-port titan also claims that many of thegirlson the video are lesbians.

“And I’m not talking the kind that are in college and get drunk and kiss each other like on our other videos. Those aren’t real lesbians,” said Francis. “I’m talking real, 100-percent, hardcore ones that want to get married to other lesbians. I mean, usually I hate monogamy. But when we’re talking two chicks who are totally into each other forever? Oh yeah!”

WNBAcommissioner Donna Orender says she supports the release of the DVD.

“We are constantly looking for ways to expand our fanbase and I think this DVD will help do that,” said Orender. “Hockey and football have highlight DVDs of all of their hard hits, so this is our version. I don’t necessarily understand the decision to add a ‘70s bassline over the highlights, but my specialty isn’t video production. I just was told about some company wanting to feature ourgirlsin a highlight DVD and I signed off on it. After that, things were kind of out of my control.”

Even longtime critics of the “GirlsGoneWild” series have praise for the new WNBAedition.

“While this DVD still shows lots of skin of the arms and lower legs, it thankfully does not show full nudity,” said feminist writer Wendy Burkle. “This is positive news for all those who fight the continued exploitation of the female body. Coincidentally, it is also positive news for all those who are in favor of the continued exploitation of the female body because – let’s be honest here – there are very fewWNBAplayers that anyone wants to see naked, fouling one another or not. I hope this DVD doesn't cause viewers to seek out more adult content to try to forget what they've seen.”

Candace Parker returned to the court last week for the Los Angeles Sparks just two months after suffering serious internal injuries that required extended hospitalization and bed rest.

“I’m feeling good. A little tired, but good,” said Parker after posting 6 points and 4 rebounds in 20 minutes in her debut.

Which is remarkable, considering where Parker was back in May – flat on her back in a hospital room with a severely torn womb and blood gushing out of her crotch, the result of a large growth found inside her abdomen.

“I have never seen someone come back from such serious injuries so quickly,” said Sparks head coach Michael Cooper. “I played for years in the NBA, and I saw guys – tough guys – felled by sprained knees, bad backs, broken fingers. But Candace tore her womb. And then she stretched her genitalia beyond recognition to push a human out of her down-theres. That would put the toughest NBA player out for a year or more. Yet she’s back in two months.”

Despite her catastrophic injury, Parker is in good spirits. While the womb tear kept her off the court and prevented her from doing what she loves, she tries to look at the positives from the incident.

“I got a beautiful daughter out of it,” she says.

And while the Sparks are happy to have her back, some within the organization are worried Parker is now susceptible to injury.

“It’s something we’ll have to monitor,” said Cooper. “Our team doctor tells me that a womb can tear again and again. It can be a chronic condition that women are highly susceptible to.”