Filed Under » Winter Olympics

Extreme Ice Fishing

Description: Each contestant is assigned to a frozen pond and given 100 pounds of C-4. The X-fisher who kills the most fish wins.

Style points: Given for the X-fishers whose fish catch the most air when blasted out of the water.

Lingoing

Description: X-Gamers compete to come up with the douchiest lingo for common things people do during the winter. Everyone on the judging panel is over the age of 40 and the Lingoing winner is determined when a new word causes everyone on the panel to roll their eyes.

Style points: Given to the Lingoing contestants who come up with a new term for Lingoing during the Lingoing competition.

#10 – U.S. Women in the 2011 World Cup Final

Why it was bad: The U.S. was a heavy favorite against Japan and twice had a lead late in the match before giving up an equalizer each time. Then, in penalty kicks, the U.S. could only convert one of four attempts and lost.

Why it was really bad: America, and the world, lost out on the chance to see how this kid would celebrate a World Cup title:

#9 – U.S. Men in the 1994 World Cup

Why it was bad: Despite being poorly-regarded in the soccer world, the U.S. made it through group play with a respectable 1-1-1 mark on its home soil. Then in the first round of knockout play, they faced mighty Brazil. Only a goal by Bebeto 72 minutes into the match defeated the U.S. National Team.

Brazil went on to win the World Cup.

Why it was really bad: With the whole world watching, the U.S. team willingly dressed like this. Perhaps no action in history has been more detrimental to the country’s image internationally than those horrific kits.

It was almost like the U.S. dressed in the ugliest outfits they could find in order to disrespect the world’s game.

Make sure that you’re properly attired to stay warm and dry by picking up a pair of bibs. Remember, although you may be an adult, wearing bibs is still considered cool during the following activities: skiing, eating lobster, and being senile.

Yes, your clunky ski boots make it difficult to walk when you’re not on the slopes. Don’t complain too much, though. This is what every single day is like for Robocop, and you don’t hear him whining, do you?

You can slow yourself down by forming a wedge with your skis, and putting your skis parallel to each other will speed you up. You might remember these two positions as “pizza” and “French fries.” Of course, if you need junk food analogies to remember two simple positions, gravity will probably force your massive girth to hurtle downhill at breakneck speeds regardless of where you point your skis.