"We had high hopes for the team this year, but they are exceeding even those expectations," said Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo of his first place club. "We believe we can compete for a World Series title this year, and we want to do it with Stephen at our disposal. Yet we want to protect his arm, too."
So Rizzo and manager Davey Johnson have hit on an idea that will allow them to give Strasburg heavy innings even deep into October.
"Soft-tossing. We've told him that if any pitches crack 70 mph on the radar gun, he's getting pulled," said Rizzo. "But now that he's exerting almost no effort out there, we feel we don't need to put an innings or pitch count on him. I don't know why we didn't think of this before."
Strasburg tried out the new approach in his latest start and got knocked around by the lowly Padres, giving up four runs on seven hits in four innings his worst performance of the season.
Claus has been following Harper's controversial antics closely over the last two years, but only recently has he begun taking a liking to the young outfielder.
"To be honest, I didn't think I'd ever take the kid's name off the Naughty List," said Claus between two huge gulps of milk. "But here we are."
Harper might have earned some brownie points when he emerged from the dugout for a curtain call and pointed a northward, a thoughtful acknowledgment of the fat man in red.
"I don't know what to say. I messed up," said Hamels. "I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head."
Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.
"I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew," said Hamels. "I won't make that mistake again."
Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn't anything personal.
"I don't know him at all," said the pitcher, "although anyone who has met him says he's unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else."
He's looking for Robert Griffin III news.
Many people do say that Bryce Harper is an ass, so this is somewhat fitting.
Hey, glasses can dry out, too, you know.
Worst of all, they had to watch the Smurfs movie.
Picture Stephen Strasburg KKK Jersey
Baseball is very American, so it's probably quite popular among the white supremacists.
Minor league baseball: the greatest baseball.