"I don't know what to say. I messed up," said Hamels. "I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head."
Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.
"I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew," said Hamels. "I won't make that mistake again."
Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn't anything personal.
"I don't know him at all," said the pitcher, "although anyone who has met him says he's unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else."
He's looking for Robert Griffin III news.
Many people do say that Bryce Harper is an ass, so this is somewhat fitting.
Hey, glasses can dry out, too, you know.
Worst of all, they had to watch the Smurfs movie.
Picture Stephen Strasburg KKK Jersey
Baseball is very American, so it's probably quite popular among the white supremacists.
Minor league baseball: the greatest baseball.
Maybe people would go to Nationals games if they got some cowboy monkeys.
Don't tread on the mascot.