She didn't get electrocuted, so that's good.
"We don't have a specific number in mind, but we're thinking somewhere between five and seven," stated Rizzo. "We feel like it's a fair number that allows us to be competitive without shortchanging the fans, Stephen, or ourselves."
"If we want a chance at the playoffs, we obviously need to keep Stephen healthy," he continued. "But more importantly, we need him to stop losing games."
Strasburg's four losses tie him for the league lead and place him just two shy of his career high set last season when he finished at 15-6, leading the Nationals to a 98-64 finish atop the NL East standings. Thus far through the 2013 season, the National are under .500 at 10-11, behind the Braves and Mets in third place.
"All these losses are starting to wear down and take their toll on our record, and obviously our record is very important to us," said manager Davey Johnson. "We care about it. We want it to be strong not just now, but in the future. So, naturally, limiting the number of losses was the logical choice."
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Stephen Strasburg put on a lot of weight.
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"It's tough to see because I wish that would have happened here," said Jean Richard, a longtime Expos season ticket holder who was invented for this article. "I still root for the team to do well, but it's not the same without having them here."
Another hypothetical fan, Marie Duchesne, said she still wears Expos gear around town.
"I'll never stop loving baseball or the Expos," she said while standing on a surfboard atop a huge elephant in downtown Montreal because why not, she's made up. "We were close a few times and I think the Expos organization is what laid the foundation for what the Nationals have become."
Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo says the team still has a strong following in Montreal.
"Oh, yeah. Great baseball town up there," said Rizzo, sarcastically while making a wanking motion. "We get letters from old Expos fans all the time, saying they miss the team and wishing us luck."
Rizzo then, while laughing to himself, mouthed: "No we don't."
If he smells okay, he can probably still pitch.
"We want Stephen to pitch left-handed," said Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo. "We are confident a pitcher of his natural ability can be more than effective with his off hand."
Before the season began, the Nationals vowed to limit Strasburg's innings to protect the right elbow that underwent Tommy John surgery in 2010. Yet it's unlikely team management expected the Nationals to have the best record in baseball or that their protective approach would seriously hurt the franchise's first bid at a World Series title thanks to willingly losing the staff ace in early September. Many have criticized Rizzo for sticking to the plan.
"I don't think you change your decisions just because circumstances change," said Rizzo. "Medical professionals back me up on this. For example, every day I put on SPF 100 sunscreen, regardless of whether or not it's sunny or rainy or winter or even if it's nighttime. How could I look at myself in the mirror if I protected a great young man like Stephen Strasburg less than I do my own skin?"