Filed Under » volleyball

Kirk, 18, a 6-foot-7 senior hitter for the Southlake High School volleyball team, was named Mr. Volleyball in Ohio for a record third time after leading Southlake to its fourth state Class 5A title in a row. Roundtree will play collegiate volleyball at UCLA, owner of a record 19 NCAA men’s volleyball national championships. He has yet to decide on a major. (Although he should probably decide on that soon and really focus on his academics, because that’s where his future lies. There sure as hell is no future in f’ing volleyball. At least no future where he’ll make any money. Whoever told a 6-foot-7 kid who can jump — AND GREW UP IN LEBRON’S HOMETOWN! — to focus on volleyball should be murdered. Because they stole tens of millions of dollars from him. Volleyball. Volleyball! Ridiculous. Enjoy dominating your family reunion for the next 30 years, kid, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting out of the sport.)

MAGGIE WOODLEY

BEAVERTON, ORE. > Volleyball

Maggie, 17, a senior at Westlake High, was named District 7 Player of the Week after recording 37 kills in back-to-back games victories against rival Bishop Reilly Prep. Woodley then posted 45 kills in what was supposed to be a friendly family game of volleyball at the Woodley Family reunion on Saturday in Portland, breaking her Uncle Don’s nose on one particularly vicious spike. “You’re a real bitch, you know that, Maggie?” Uncle Don yelled, blood running down his chin. “This is supposed to be a fun game. Respect your elders!” Woodley has accepted a volleyball scholarship to UCLA where she will study criminal justice and hopes to one day put away her Uncle Don, who touched her inappropriately once when she was 11.