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Did you see how fast that thing could fly? And it wasn't even going full speed. Sure, I don't think it can catch … as it doesn't have any hands. But that speed.

Al Davis is going to offer it a big-time contract. I guarantee it.

Here, pigeon, pigeon, pigeon …

Owen Schmitt, Seattle Seahawks:

Possible explanations:

1. He wanted to remind the Jaguars that he's a human being, a real man — a gentle soul who bleeds real blood. So, please, take it easy on him out there.

2. He's taunting the rest of America by showing us the NFL's health care program is so awesome you can even purposely injure yourself and not worry.

3. Damn mosquitos! They're everywhere! DIE! DIE! DIE!

4. It just seemed like the kind of thing a fullback from West Virginia with a mohawk named Owen Schmitt should do.

5. All the SNL-inspired Schmitt's Gay jokes get tiresome after 18 years.

6. He's trying to erase the memory of these jerseys.

This is from before the Georgia-South Carolina game last month.

And if you liked this guy's performance here, you may enjoy some of his other work:

Gollum wants that SEC title back! He needs it!

Oh, what —you don't think this is how it went down?

Okay, granted — "buggin'" and "ever-lovin'" would probably not be the curse words of choice on a team coached by Rex Ryan.

And these guys do seem to be putting a bit too much faith in fullback Tony Richardson. I mean, he hardly ever touches the ball.

But beyond that, I bet this is what Braylon Edwards experienced almost word-for-word.

Look! Mark Sanchez even dressed for the part.

Pull down your ever-lovin' shirt, white pants.

There is only one day until the start of the MLB playoffs and SportsPickle is previewing each playoff team. Today: Minnesota Twins.

1:00 p.m. ET

Detroit at Chicago (-10)

Congratulations, Chicago — you didn't get the Olympics, but you are getting the Detroit Lions. Not a bad trade really.

My pick: Chicago

Oakland at Houston (-8.5)

Stop staring, JaMarcus Russell. It's rude. Also, the defensive back read your eyes and intercepted your pass a good 30 seconds ago. You have to get off the field. Come on. Play is resuming.

My pick: Houston

Tampa Bay at Washington (-7.5)

What a tough stretch of the schedule for the Redskins. No, not that they've had the Rams, Lions and Buccaneers right in a row. Of course not. That's easy. I mean that their schedule includes the Redskins every week but they are the only team in the league who never gets to play them. That's too bad. Because the Redskins suck most of all. I bet even the Redskins could give him a game. Wait. Now I'm starting to get confused.

My pick: Washington

Seattle at Indianapolis (-10.5)

Matt Hasselbeck is back for the Seahawks this week. Last Sunday he was out with acute not-wanting-to-look-like-a-buffoon-by-wearing-those-ridiculous-jerseys.

My pick: Indianapolis

New York Giants at Kansas City (+8.5)

Every report I've seen this week about the Chiefs trading Tyler Thigpen to the Dolphins says that in return they received "an undisclosed 2010 draft pick." Not true. While the specific pick isn't yet known, the player will be terrible because he will have been drafted by the Chiefs. Steal by the Dolphins.

My pick: New York Giants

Baltimore at New England (-1.5)

This will be an interesting game to gauge two teams I don't think are as good as their records. Although, if they're both not as good as their records, I'm not going to learn anything from this game will I? Oh, well. I guess I'll just watch this game for entertainment purposes and hope they both lose.

My pick: New England

Cincinnati at Cleveland (+6)

The Bengals upset the Steelers last week giving Ben Roethlisberger his first-ever loss in Ohio. Interestingly, the Browns have never won in Ohio. Too bad they're based there.

My pick: Cincinnati

Tennessee at Jacksonville (+3)

Everyone wants to know what's wrong with the Titans. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh-ooh! Pick me! Pick me! Yes, I just wanted to say that they were never all that good in the first place. Okay, thanks for calling on me. Feel free to continue with your lesson.

My pick: Jacksonville (and to win)

4:05 p.m. ET

Buffalo at Miami (+1)

Since Dan Marino retired after the 1999 season, the Dolphins starting quarterbacks have been Jay Fiedler (5 years), A.J. Feeley (1 year), Gus Frerotte (1 year), Joey Harrington (1 year), Cleo Lemon (1 year) and Chad Pennington (1 year). And now it's Chad Henne's job. What does this tell us? That five different quarterbacks have failed to fill Jay Fiedler's shoes. Wow.

My pick: Miami (and to win)

New York Jets at New Orleans (-7)

This trip to New Orleans is going to get a bit awkward when love-struck members of the New York media start asking Rex Ryan to show them his tits.

My pick: New York Jets

Dallas at Denver (+3)

Josh McDaniels has silenced his critics. Apparently his critics weren't smart enough to look at the Broncos' schedule and see that they opened with the Bengals, Browns and Raiders. Do your research, critics!

My pick: Dallas

St. Louis at San Francisco (-9.5)

Before we all jump on San Francisco's bandwagon, let's remember that their quarterback is still Shaun Hill. Plus, this is San Francisco. That's not a bandwagon. It's a Gay Pride float.

My pick: San Francisco

8:20 p.m. ET

San Diego at Pittsburgh (-6.5)

In the past week, Steelers 2008 2nd Round draft pick Limas Sweed dropped a game-winning touchdown pass and was benched. And 2008 1st Round draft pick Rashard Mendenhall was benched for not knowing any plays or his assignments. This is part of the reason why players love playing for Mike Tomlin so much. None of his crappy draft picks will ever take your job.

My pick: San Diego

Monday night

Green Bay at Minnesota (-3)

We are the person in the wood chipper. Brett Favre is the tall guy. And Aaron Rodgers can be Frances McDormand.

Discuss.

My pick: Minnesota

Byes: Arizona, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Carolina

There are only a few days until the start of the MLB playoffs and SportsPickle is previewing each playoff team. Today: Philadelphia Phillies.

I'm not big on motivational speeches. Unless they're delivered by 4-year-olds. Especially 4-year-olds who talk about the Soviets and say "screw'em!"

(Hat tip: Dave Dameshek and Hot Clicks.)