The new NBA 2K11 featuring Michael Jordan has been released. Now gamers are discovering all of the hidden games inside.
Control Jordan as he punches teammates like Steve Kerr and Will Perdue. Earn a championship belt by keeping the news out of the media, thereby concealing from the public the fact that, despite your marketable image, you're kind of a dick.
Wreak havoc on Liberty City, Vice City, San Andreas and Las Venturas with your posse of Charles Barkley and Charles Oakley, doing drugs, nailing strippers and gambling. Just don't get caught by the NBA commissioner or the basketball portion of NBA 2K11 will be locked for a year.
The makers of Madden 11 have hurried a downloadable patch that is now available to all users that includes the Kansas City Chiefs franchise and 2010 roster.
But an EA Sports spokesman says the original exclusion of the Chiefs from the game was not an oversight.
"As remarkable as modern gaming systems are, we still have to conserve our resources as much as possible," said EA spokesman Josh Connor. "And we felt it made the most sense to leave the Chiefs off the game so we could improve the gaming experience in other aspects."
And largely due to the fact that it will include Detlef Schrempf.
In what many are calling the worst “Madden Jinx” yet, all 5.5 million people who purchased this year’s edition of the game have reportedly died.
The supposed jinx – which in the past has delivered various levels of doom to cover subjects such as Marshall Faulk, Daunte Culpepper, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, Shaun Alexander, Vince Young and Troy Polamalu – is usually contained to the cover subject.But clearly Drew Brees is not the victim of the Madden 11 curse because he is still alive.
Hospitals across the country began reporting high numbers of unexplained fatalities in the early morning hours after stores began selling the game – many among seemingly healthy young men aged 16-35. By the mid-morning, with the death toll skyrocketing into the millions, a working theory was developed: the Madden curse had turned on its consumers. And by early evening it was confirmed: all 5.5 million who died owned copies of Madden 11.
“It seems the focus of the jinx moved from the player pictured on the game to the little E at the bottom left of the front cover – a little E that stands for Everyone,” said President Obama. “A game rating that was intended to be welcoming to all instead welcome 5.5 million of our citizens into eternal rest.”
The five-plus million who died were stricken with severe strokes or brain aneurysms during the brightly colored, flashy intro into the game.
“All those flashing lights and photos, while exciting, when paired with the power of the Madden curse were too powerful for their brains to process and they essentially exploded,” said Robert Monsanta, Cook County (Illinois) chief coronoer.
Shawn Scott, the lead programmer of Madden Football at EA Sports, says that while tragic, the 5.5 million deaths give his job a new focus.
“We strive to improve the game every year, but sometimes that’s hard, to be honest,” said Scott. “But now for next year we’ll make it our goal: don’t kill everyone. So I think it’s all up for us from here. And I’m excited about the high percentage of first-time buyers we’ll have for Madden 12.”
Madden 11 is upon us. Let's take a look back through 22 years of the franchise to see how we got to where we are today.
A GameStop in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, switched out the cover of the new EA Sports' NCAA Football 11 with one featuring Tim Tebow crying.
Turns out they changed the back cover, too.
Soda Popinski, 57, the Russian heavyweight who boxed his way to fame on the Punch-Out!! circuit in the late 1980s and early '90s, passed away this weekend due to complications from liver disease.
"He will be missed," said a statement from Little Mac, the diminutive boxer who waged dozens, possibly even hundreds, of epic battles against Popinski over the years. "Even though he would always laugh at me before each round, he respected the sport and kept himself in shape, as evidenced by his very slim waist. When fighting him, I was always sure to keep my guard up, just as my trainer suggested."
Mac, forever classy, failed to address a very open secret about Popinski in his statement, however a fact that those close to Popinski say directly resulted in his passing.
"Soda Popinski was an alcoholic," said Bald Bull, another top heavyweight of the time. "The biggest drunk I've every known. We knew it, everyone at home knew it. He wasn't drinking Sprite out of that bottle, you know? It was cheap vodka."
But boxers from Bald Bull to Don Flamenco to King Hippo say those who ran Punch-Out!! attempted to cover up the truth about Popinski because they feared his alcoholism would hurt the circuit's marketability.
"That is understandable. But they also should have gotten him some help," yapped King Hippo, through an interpreter. "Instead they sold him as this soda-swilling boxer and even gave him that ridiculous stage name."
Popinski was born Drinksi Vodkanyev, but he legally changed his name to Soda Popinski in the mid-'90s after Mike Tyson left Punch-Out!!!
"He wanted to be the biggest star in boxing," said Great Tiger. "But his addiction to drinking never let him achieve his true potential. I don't think there was one time I fought him without him throwing up on me. The only way I could get rid of the smell was to disappear."
Two quarters of poor execution, poor play-calling and a lack of intensity was enough.
“I couldn’t take it anymore,” said Keith Morris. “The Raiders shouldn’t have even been close to me, let alone leading at the half. I really let myself have it.”
Morris, playing as his beloved San Diego Chargers on Madden NFL 10, coasted through the first six games of the season, beating the computer by an average of 34 points. But Sunday he found himself trailing the lowly Raiders 13-3 at halftime.
“I’d love to say that the computer was outplaying me or that the computer was cheating,” he said. “But that simply wasn’t the case. I was beating myself. I wasn’t concentrating, I wasn’t taking the game seriously and you can’t do that at the All-Madden level and expect to win.”
Morris’ first half was marred by play-calling that was either overly aggressive (going for it on 4th-and-4 at his own 38-yard line) or too predictable (running his trusty wide receiver screen play three plays in a row, leading to a three-and-out). Many passes were thrown downfield into coverage when safer options for fewer yards were available. And on defense he was trying too hard for sacks and interceptions, giving up big play after big play.
“I thought it would be an easy win and I wanted to embarrass them and pad my stat totals,” he said. “Well, I was the one who got embarrassed. Also, I think my concentration was hurt by the fact that I was eating dinner and texting back and forth with my girlfriend.”
But faced with a 10-point deficit at the half, his assumption of a perfect season on the ropes, Morris took a look in the mirror.
“I took a leak, washed my hands and looked up and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror,” he said. “And I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t like what I had become. I saw a loser. I saw someone considering pressing the reset button. So I gave myself a talking to. Tensions were high, but everything stayed under control. I mainly just told myself that I was better than what I showed, and that I had to go back out into the living room and prove it – and whatever happens happens, but no hitting reset.”
His passion reignited – and his sandwich finished – Morris concentrated and executed through a textbook, three-minute scoring drive to open the third quarter and close the gap to 13-10. He then came up with a stop on defense, turned that into another seven points and was well on his way to a victory with a comfortable final score of 34-20.
“These are the games that championship teams win,” said Morris. “I’m proud of myself. And I’m proud of the tiny digital men I control. I couldn’t do it without them.”
This is video of Polk County, Florida law enforcement officials storming a home in their fair country.
I don't have much of an opinion either way on selling hard drugs to our youth. But stacking one TV on top of another? I hope this guy got some serious jail time. TV stacking is sooooooo redneck.
Nice celebration at the end there, lady officer. You are a credit to law enforcement and the American justice system.
Bowling legend Pete Weber salutes you.
His fellow cover subject on Madden NFL 10, Troy Polamalu, didn't make it through the first half of his first regular season game of the year before suffering a serious knee injury. Once he saw that, Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald decided he wasn't going to sit idly by and wait to see how fate would punish him.
Instead, he took matters into his own hands and lost an important part of those hands in the process.
"Troy's knee was hurt pretty bad," said Fitzgerald. "I didn't want something like that to happen to me or worse. So I grabbed a butcher's knife out of the drawer, bit down on a wooden spoon and chopped off my pinkie."
Before he could reconsider, Fitzgerald says he threw the severed digit into his kitchen sink and pushed it far down into the drain where he could reach it.
"I didn't want to panic and run to the hospital to have my finger re-attached," said the receiver, "only to take the field on Sunday and have some linebacker blow out my knee on a hit. I wanted to finish this Madden business now and on my own terms. And now I can move on, I just have nine fingers to catch with now instead of 10. It's not a big deal."
Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt says he wishes his star player hadn't taken such drastic action.
"I know he probably wanted to cash in on his huge season last year and expand his marketability, but agreeing to be on the cover of Madden is not the answer. It's foolish. And it's dangerous," said Whisenhunt. "But I'm glad he only lost a finger in the end. That was smart of him to chop it off. I was worried and resigned to the fact that it would be much, much worse. I'll take a pinkie stump."
With his stump sitting against a bag of ice, a crude tourniquet tied around the base to stem the bleeding, Fitzgerald watched SportsCenter for any news on his fallen friend, Polamalu.
"I'll admit that I am a little surprised to learn that it's only an MCL sprain and that Troy should be back well before midseason," said Fitzgerald. "It seemed much worse at first. Maybe I, uh maybe I acted a bit rash. I'll admit. There may have been better options. Or maybe it would have been best had I just not done anything at all. You know, I wish I still had that pinkie to re-attach. I really do. But I chopped it up in the garbage disposal."