Filed Under » VCU Rams

After a magical whirlwind of upsets leading to the school's first-ever Final Four appearance, Virginia Commonwealth University's Shaka Smart spent the week making phone calls to his ex-girlfriends for the express purposes of gloating.

Sources close to the coach say he's been locked in his office with a small black book full of phone numbers playing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" over and over again on his iPod since returning from San Antonio on Monday.

"No, I wouldn't say it's a vindictive thing. I just want to make sure all the girls who passed me up over the years are completely aware of my enormous and deserved success," says Smart. "It's mainly a maturity thing. I want them to understand that I have changed into a mature person who has risen above all the spite and anger that usually accompanies a break-up …" he begins before taking his hand off the mouthpiece of the phone and launching into a profanity-laced tirade.

"Oh, you thought I was too slow to commit, huh? You though I was going to lose in the first round, huh? Your parents never approved of me, did they, Sheila? Do they approve of the Final Four? 'Cause that's where I'm headed!" shouted Smart into his phone, clearly blurring the lines between women he has had relationships with and ESPN analysts.

Smart's voice could be heard through his shut office door.

"Is my goatee stupid now, Karen? Do I not go to nice enough restaurants now, Karen? Well, I'll tell you one nice place I got reservations for, it's a little restaurant down on the east-side called the Final Four!" yelled Smart before slamming the phone down emphatically.

"I can't imagine what he'll be like if we win the championship," says VCU point guard Joey Rodriguez.