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News NCAA Orders USC Players to Forget All the Fun and Sex They Had In College
“Many people have said that being stripped of the national title is a toothless measure,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert. “So we wanted to hit them where it hurts. USC players: remember all of those hot co-eds you hooked up with in college? It was great, right? Now stop remembering it. You got that ass fraudulently.”
Former USC quarterback Matt Leinart said it will be difficult to follow the NCAA’s directive.
“In trying to forget everything, it actually brought back a lot of the memories,” he said. “Man, I hooked up with a lot of chicks back in college. I mean a ton. And almost all of them were incredibly hot. Wow. I don’t know how I ever even made it to class. What memories. I’m so glad I have them because I don’t have much positive going on in my life right now.” Leinart then excused himself, saying: “I have to go rub one out.”
Reggie Bush says he had completely forgotten that USC even won a championship while he was there.
“Trust me, when you’re getting the kind of ass I was getting, some computer-generated football trophy is the last thing on your mind,” he said. “I remember being pissed we even had to play that game because I had a three-way scheduled for the same time.”
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ESPN’s College GameDay is in Los Angeles, California this week for USC vs. Oregon.
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Reggie Bush may have to give his Heisman back. But will anyone really want it? It’s been through a tough five years.
News Lane Kiffin Transitions USC Player Payments to PayPal
Lane Kiffin, the young, 35-year-old head coach charged with leading the legendary USC football program into the future, is already making his mark on team. And today he announced the program’s system of player compensation while be completely modernized and moved online.
“Players today do everything online,” he said. “I don’t think there’s a kid on the team who doesn’t have an iPhone or one of those Droids. Their lives are completely digital — and it’s time our payment program reflects that.”
Thanks to an exclusive partnership with PayPal, the university, athletic department, football program, coaches, boosters or even USC fans can make direct payments into each player’s individual PayPal account.
“No longer will players have to be given sacks of cash that are easy to lose or be told they have to take a house when they really want a car,” said Kiffin. “With PayPal we have completely modernized and streamlined our payment system. This is the future of paying NCAA athletes and we think our players will be earning as much as 50-percent more.”
USC looked into other payment options in the past — Pete Carroll notably tried to use Flooz for a time — but had never moved beyond straight cash transactions or gifts. When Kiffin took over this offseason, he immediately insisted on overhauling the program and made it happen with his energy and youthful perspective.
“I’ve looked through the entire NCAA rule book and there’s not a single mention of PayPal, so it must be allowed,” he said. “And by the time they get around to putting that in the rule book, I’ll be long gone to my next job.”
