People who taunt Ray Lewis rarely live to tell about it.
The Steelers should get some wax offensive linemen.
Picture Terrifying Troy Polamalu Doll
The real Troy is kind and soft-spoken. This one will murder you as you sleep.
Don't let Roethlisberger near clippers when he's drunk.
He should just get hair plugs like Tom Brady and end the jealousy.
Picture The Keiselmalu
Pittsburgh is now leading the world in men's grooming.
It could also be a wig.
"Hey, I like your pretty hair," Ben Roethlisberger was heard telling Troy Polamalu yesterday during practice. "Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap and tell me what you like about football?"
Polamalu politely declined and pushed his quarterback's hand away from his butt, but Steelers teammates and coaches say Roethlisberger's come-on was just his latest towards the star safety since camp began.
"You have to realize that Ben has pretty much been in seclusion since March when the incident in Georgia happened," said a Steelers player who wished to remain anonymous. "He's barely seen a girl in five months, let alone gotten a B.J. in a bar bathroom from one. So when he shows up to camp and sees someone with long, curly, black hair, piercing eyes, a thick butt, that soft-spoken but aggressive style well, he pretty much can't help himself."
"Hell, I've been getting regular tail and I'm sort of attracted to Troy myself," said the player. "He's a very pretty man."
So far Roethlisberger's repeated advances have not been a distraction to the team.
"We're all about team here once camp opens," said head coach Mike Tomlin. "Sexual attraction can be great for bringing a team together. In fact, it's what made the '90s Cowboys and the Patriots of the past decade so good."
Some teammates say Roethlisberger dropped his pants and exposed his penis to Polamalu and other teammates today after practice, "but he was going into the shower," said one player. "Maybe it was an innocent gesture. Although I've come to doubt Ben makes purely innocent gestures when his penis is out."
Reporter:Troy! Troy! Tell me about your knee. The Steelers defense is suffering without you. When can you get back on the field?
Polamalu: Well, I owe my great hair to Head & Shoulders. It's for more than just dandruff.
Reporter: Uh, right. No, I want to know about your knee. When will it be 100-percent and when can the Steelers count on you again?
Polamalu: Head & Shoulders does seven great things for my scalp and hair.
Reporter: Didn't ask about your hair, Troy.
Polamalu: You asked with your eyes, Trent. You asked with your eyes.
Reporter: The fk I did! Look, I'm serious, guy when are you going to be out on the field again? The Steelers just lost to the Chiefs, Troy. The goddam CHIEFS! Your defense let Matt Cassel drive the ball 91 yards in the fourth quarter to tie the game. Matt Cassel! Ninety-one yards! And, then, in overtime, on 3rd-and-5, Chris Chambers goes right through the defense for 61 yards. Chris Chambers, Troy! Chris fking Chambers! That guy SUCKS! So I ask one more time when in the hell is your knee going to be ready? And don't say one word about your motherfkingHAIR.
Polamalu: Two to three weeks.
Reporter: Thank you. And you do have nice hair, by the way.