Video Duke Track and Field Remakes Backstreet Boys Song
It's multiple layers of douche. It's doucheception.
Opinion The 25 Best Sports Nicknames of All-Time
#25 — Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown
Origin: Remember how your parents told you to be careful around power tools? They weren't kidding. When future MLB pitcher Brown was a young man he accidentally put his hand in his family farm's feed chopper. The chopper's blades cut off most of his index finger, and a later fall on the same hand permanently mangled the middle finger on his pitching hand.
His maimed fingers, though, turned out to be a blessing when they enabled him to put massive amounts of spin on his pitches. Hitters couldn't get balls in the air against Brown, and he won 239 games on his way to the Hall of Fame. So, the lesson here is clear: if your Major League dreams are looking improbable, try sticking your hand in a woodchipper. Can't hurt! (Outside of the excruciating pain.) This is the look you'll want to go for:
#24 — "The Flying Housewife" Fanny Blankers-Koen
Origin: The track events at the 1948 Summer Olympic Games in London got a bit more interesting when Dutch runner Fanny Blankers-Koen tied on her spikes. She was 30 years old, a mother of two children, and ready to kick some serious tail. Blankers-Koen ended up winning four gold medals at the games, which propelled her to international fame as the wife and mother who outran everyone else.
And while the picture of Fanny below may not suggest it, she was a confirmed MILTF. (A mom I'd like to do track and field with. Duh.)
Video French Pole Vaulter Has a Very Bad Day
Maybe he would have cleared it if he hadn't used a long cigarette as his pole.
News Report: Guy on Facebook Thinks Oscar Pistorius Did It
"He got bail? You've got to be kidding me. Pistorius is guilty as hell," wrote Kevin Grasmani on Facebook. Grasmani lists his age as 37 and his employment as a data entry manager at a consulting company in Columbia, Maryland, and left the comment on his Facebook page at 9:58 a.m. this morning.
The man's comment generated two "likes" on his Facebook page from his 217 friends and one response, from Ryan Stennett, a high school classmate, who wrote: "Maybe. Maybe not. The trial will explain a lot."
It is not clear if Desmond Nair, the South African chief magistrate in the case, would have denied Pistorius bail had he known of Kevin's opinion earlier. The track star's attorney, Barry Roux, has also not addressed the allegations in the Facebook post.
"I hate when I walk into the bathroom at work and some co-worker has stunk it up. Disgusting," Grasmani wrote in his next Facebook post, apparently moving on from the Pistorius case, but possibly making some sort of subtle statement on the bathroom shooting.
News South African Police: Pistorius Case Aside, Famed "Bathroom Burglar" Still a Very Real Threat
"The Bathroom Burglar should not think that we have diverted our attention to Mr. Pistorius and away from him – or her," said police spokesman Edward Grant. "The Bathroom Burglar has stolen far too many Q-Tips, tubes of toothpaste and decorative soaps. He will be brought to justice."
Pistorius maintains he felt a burglar had climbed into his house and locked himself in the bathroom early last Thursday morning, prompting him to fire repeatedly into the bathroom door. Police dismiss that account, but admit that climbing into homes and then effectively cornering himself in a locked bathroom is the trademark behavior of the Bathroom Burglar.
"It's amazing he keeps getting away with his robberies, considering his calling card is easily one of the dumber things we've ever seen from this sort of criminal," said the police spokesman.
Video ABC News Airs Oscar Pistorius Stump-Shooting Animation
It's hard to find good stump animators.
News Everyone in court high-fives after South African prosecutor says Pistorius' case "doesn't have a leg to stand on"
Nel then stood with his arms out and palms raised and accepted high-five after high-five from those gathered in the cramped courtroom.
"Oh, man. Nailed him," said magistrate Desmond Nair. "Good one. Come up here and give me a fist bump. Ha! No leg to stand on. Where do you come up with this stuff?"
Nel admitted he had seen the "no legs to stand on line" — in reference to Pistorius not having natural legs below the knee — on several Internet comments boards in the days since the tragic incident at the runner's home. He also said he had been e-mailed several versions of the joke by his uncle Phil.
"So I can't claim to have been the one who invented the joke, but there's no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to say it into the public record," said Nel. "I'm like a legend now."
Magistrate Nair recessed proceedings until tomorrow after Nel's killer line.
"Damn, I say we stop until tomorrow," said Nair, wiping tears from his eyes. "Unless anyone has any better lines about ol' no-legs over there. Anyone?"
News Oscar Pistorius: "I wanted to prove that even so-called 'disabled' people can achieve terrible things"
"My whole life I have been told what I can't do because of my legs," said Pistorius. "They said I could never be a world class sprinter. They said I could never compete in the Olympics. They said I could never murder someone."
"Did someone really say that?" interjected a detective.
"Oh, it was said," continued Pistorius. "I was always taunted in school with: 'Ha-ha! You'll never murder anyone because you have no legs! Look, everyone! No legs over here can't kill people, what with his no legs!' It stung. But I vowed to prove them wrong. And today I have. I hope I can be an inspiration to everyone throughout the world who has been told their handicap prevents them from doing horrible and unspeakable things."
South African police officials said the confession was by far the most inspirational they have ever received.
"This guy has overcome so much to shoot his girlfriend four times," said Detective Robert Price. "Is this someone we can really lock up? It's delicate when it comes to issues like these. I'm not disabled so I can't speak to what is or is not inspirational to the disabled community."
