Picture Tim Lincecum: Now Looking Even Creepier Than Normal
That scarf would look better over his face. (via @ChronLiveCSN)
November 5, 2010 Column
Stuff You Might Have Heard
World Series champion Tim Lincecum: "I'm going to Amsterdam!"
"Tim Lincecum, you've just won the World Series. What are you going to do now?" asked FOX's on-field reporter Ken Rosenthal.
"I'm going to Amsterdam and I'm going to get really f**king high, man!" said Lincecum. "What did you think I was gonna do, dumbass?"
A stunned Rosenthal then quickly and nervously grabbed the next Giant he saw, pitcher Barry Zito, and asked the same question: "Barry Zito, you've just won the World Series. What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to to Amsterdam with Timmy!" said Zito. "We're smoking primo sh*t 'til spring training! Woooooooooo!"
Rosenthal then pulled Giants manager Bruce Bochy aside, who said he was also going to Amsterdam and was openly smoking a joint on the field.
"Well," said Rosenthal, tossing it back up to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. "Euro Disney is not too far of a flight from Amsterdam. They're probably just making a quick layover. That's what they mean."
Picture This Girl is Attracted to Pitchers with the Same Hair
Or maybe she just likes ugly dudes.
Picture Phillies Fans Need to Mellow Out
Tim Lincecum could give them something to help.
Video Does Tim Lincecum Kiss His Mother With That Mouth?
Probably not, because she would smell the weed on his breath.
Picture Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum is shown here on one of the 364 days in the past year he was somehow NOT busted for possession of pot.
News President Obama Appoints Tim Lincecum to New Cabinet-Level White Sox Rotation Post
At a hastily arranged press conference this afternoon at the White House, President Barack Obama announced San Francisco Giants ace Tim Lincecum will head up a brand new executive branch of the federal government: The Department of White Sox Pitching.
“Tim brings great leadership qualities to this important post,” said the president. “Primarily his mid-90s fastball and his devastating curve.”
The president says he realized the need to federalize the White Sox pitching staff after seeing them implode this weekend against the Yankees.
“At this important point in the season, with so much to lose, I can’t sit by and let the White Sox fall completely out of the playoff race,” Obama said. “It is in the best interests of the nation that we have a competitive final month of the season.”
Lincecum will leave his job with the Giants and begin pitching with the White Sox immediately.
“It was a tough decision. I wanted to win with the Giants,” said the reigning NL Cy Young award winner. “But the president insisted I would be providing a great service –- and if not to the nation, then to him.”
The creation of the new executive branch that will support White Sox pitching has been met with great opposition by Republicans –- as well as from some Democrats who are Cubs, Tigers, and Giants fans. But sources within the White House say that even if Lincecum is stripped of his powers, such a move wouldn’t come until well after October, which would be long past the department's policies would make their desired impact.
“Now that Secretary Lincecum is in place, I look forward to him filling his staff with some great public servants,” said the president. “I have developed a list of potential candidates that includes Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Zach Greinke and others.”
