HOW TO PLAY WINNING DRUNK GOLF, by Tiger Woods
Tip #1 Don't hit the middle ball; hit all the balls When Rocky Balboa was so punch drunk that he saw three Ivan Dragos, Paulie told him to hit the middle one. Not so when being liquor drunk and playing golf. You want to imagine you are hitting all three balls that you see. This will keep your swing in perfect plane at impact and follow-through, preventing a nasty hook or slice.
Tip #2 Simplify your swing thoughts Anyone who has played golf knows that you can have a thousand thoughts going through your head as you stand over the ball. Whereas when you're playing your best golf, your thoughts are pure, simple. Therefore Helloooooo, alcohol! Have a six-pack before your 9:00 a.m. tee time and you won't have a single thought in your head.
Tip #3 Learn the slope of the green Putting is all about pace and reading the break. Being drunk allows you to read the break perfectly. Just puke all over the green and watch which way your vomit liquid runs. Now putt along that line. (And, yes, golf rules allow you to pick up and remove the chunks in your path. Loophole!)
This is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to him.
4 minus 2 equals WOOOOOO! TIGER!
Yeah, remember when Davis Love told Wyoming to blow him? Great golf moment.
Mickelson and Watson are actually more attractive than several of the women Woods was linked to.
He once did a stripper named Montana.
Golf is classy. It's referred to as an intercourse scandal.
"It's great to finally get back in the win column," said LaCava, who was clearly relieved to have his title drought at an end. "I was tired of hearing all the caddy critics out there saying that 'Joe LaCava is never going to win another golf tournament.' Well, in your face. I'm a champion again."
LaCava entered Sunday's final round with a 1-stroke lead but said he felt confident he was going to win.
"Everything was going great, you know? It was just one of those days," he said. "The strap of the golf bag felt really good on my shoulder, when I would put the clubs back in the bag, they'd slide right in and not get jammed on the other clubs. I peeled a perfect banana. And one time I said '7-iron here' but then the wind picked up and I said, 'No, go 8-iron,' and the eight turned out to be the right club. I was in a zone."