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The Texas Rangers won the negotiating rights to star Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish, paying $51.7 million to the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters. Now the Rangers eagerly wait to sign Darvish and see him in action.

"The Orient is a very magical place," said Rangers general manager Jon Daniels. "There are wonders there that which we have never seen in the West. Prepare to be amazed!"

Daniels went on to tell the tale of Darvish throwing a "gyroball."

"I have heard that spice traders in the region have seen it with their very own eyes," said Daniels. "They say its dips and dives defy the very laws of science, and that's it velocity has been known to break a bat in twain!"

Free agent starter C.J. Wilson, the most sought after pitcher on the market, announced today that he has come to terms with his mortality following some extreme turbulence he experienced on a flight to Los Angeles.

"You get on a plane with the latest issue of 'Entertainment Weekly' and a sandwich from Au Bon Pain, you don't expect to confront life's biggest question," said Wilson. "But then the pilot tells you that there's some turbulence over Tempe."

"As soon as we got off the plane, he got all zen and existential on me," says Wilson's agent, Bob Garber. "He kept on talking about this conversation he had with angels and 'the man upstairs.' I knew it couldn't have been with [Angels owner] Arte Moreno, because C.J. hasn't had a cell phone since he broke his after hearing that CC Sabathia re-signed with the Yankees. Maybe all of Josh Hamilton's God stuff finally rubbed off on him. Or maybe he's on drugs."

The Cardinals-Rangers World Series ended in an odd, yet unsurprising way Friday night, as New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez struck out for the third and final out in the top of the 9th inning.

"There were two outs and it was David Murphy's spot in the lineup, but I looked up and there was A-Rod, in his full Yankees uniform, dug in and the first pitch was on the way," said Rangers manager Ron Washington. "Before I could say anything, he had taken it for a strike. By then it was too late."

Rodriguez took the next pitch inside for a ball. He then swung and missed badly on the third offering, a slider, from St. Louis closer Jason Motte. The fourth pitch, a fastball on the outside corner, was called strike three as Rodriguez stood there with his bat on his shoulder.

"I happened to be in the area and it just felt natural for me to be up as the potential final out of a series," said Rodriguez. "So when they got two outs, I stepped in there. My hope is that the more experience I get in these situations, the less I'll strike out. It wasn't meant to be tonight, though."