Filed Under » tennis

Looking to create playing conditions befitting a major tournament, Wimbledon officials have decided to grow the on-court grass extra long for the fortnight of action.

“We want to penalize players for bad shots,” said Wimbledon director Geoffrey Pettigrew. “So anything not hit right snug up against the baseline or the sidelines will plunge deep into six-inch rough. Only those who play the best will succeed.”

But the players aren’t so sure.

“This actually rewards poor players who don’t have any accuracy,” said defending champ Roger Federer. “Because their opponent is the one who will have to play it out of the rough, not them. Not to mention the bunkers they installed in the service boxes.”

Andy Roddick says he just wants Wimbledon to keep the courts safe.

"If the grass is long, the grass is long," he said. "There's nothing we can do about it. But I wish they would cut it a little bit. I ran up to the net during my match and was bitten by a fox that had bedded down up there."

While playing at a charity tennis event in Florida today, Andre Agassi turned some good-natured, back-and-forth ribbing between fellow players awkward and a bit nasty when he informed the crowd that Steffi Graf — his doubles opponent and wife — doesn't do oral nearly as much as she did before they had kids.

Graf, who was mic'd up along with Agassi, Jim Courier and Monica Seles at a tennis event to raise money for Chile, made an innocent joke about Agassi being bald. Her husband met the line with a cold glare and then spit out: "This from a woman who hasn't given head in three years. Maybe if you put out, it would shock my system into growing hair again — ever think about that, bitch?"

As Courier and Seles awkwardly looked at each other, a stunned Graf tried to laugh off her husband's charge by saying: "Wow. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today, huh?"

Shot back Agassi: "Any side of the bed that you're in is the wrong side, because it means I'm not getting any."

A now visibly angry Graf ripped her next serve at Agassi's head, causing him to jump out of the way and then tell the crowd: "In Steffi's defense, it's not like she was ever that good at giving head anyway. Her big nose always got in the way."

It's the second charity event at which Agassi has made a scene in a week, the first coming when he called Pete Sampras a bad tipper at a charity event for Haiti, and he has now issued another apology.

"I was trying to joke around and my joke fell flat," said Agassi. "I apologized to Steffi and I'm sure we could both move past this if she would just go down on me. But as I said before, that's extremely unlikely."

The dream of millions of men around the world was met today when it was reported that tennis vixen Anna Kournikova will appear in a provocative Playboy article.

"Finally, men will get what they've wanted for years from Miss Kournikova," said Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. "A chance to learn about her innermost thoughts and dreams, her political opinions, likes, dislikes and most life-changing experiences. I can feel the blood flowing to my brain already."

Unfortunately, Kournikova will only be partially revealed in Playboy, as she did not agree to a full feature story. But even without being the subject of the hard-hitting, long-form journalism everyone turns to the venerable publication for, most expect the Kournikova article to be quite intellectually titillating.

"This is a smart, young successful woman who has lived all over the world and met all kinds of amazing people," said Playboy writer Marc Vandengard, who was lucky enough to get up close and personal with Kournikova for the interview. "By agreeing to be in Playboy, she can be an example to young women all over the world."

Kournikova says it has always been a dream of hers to be in Playboy.

"I feel like I am in my prime right now," she said. "I think my mind is as strong as it will ever be. That's why, before it gets too late and before I have children and get a little scattered, that I sit down and give a good, in-depth interview on serious topics affecting the world today. Then one day when I'm old and gray, I can look back proudly at my appearance in Playboy and remember that I once had it all going for me."

Readers are unanimously excited about the upcoming Playboy appearance.

"I've long imagined how she would be completely stripped down — nothing holding her back from a straight, candid, revealing interview," said longtime Playboy subscriber Matt Derescher. "So it sounds like my fantasy is finally going to come true. I just hope there aren't any distracting photos accompanying the article. Especially not of her naked breasts, butt or vagina."

American tennis star Andy Roddick admitted today to feeling somewhat uncomfortable and conflicted about pleasuring himself to the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

"I don't know. It just felt odd," said Roddick. "I mean, that's my wife. It was weird. A lot of the fantasy was lost. I guess I almost did it out of habit."

Roddick said he finished up as quickly as he could, and then went downstairs and watched TV with Brooklyn Decker, his wife and the 2010 cover model. Decker propositioned him during their DVR'd episode of '24', but Roddick turned her down claiming he was too tired.

"What was I supposed to say: 'Sorry. Can't. Just rubbed one out to your SI cover?'" he said. "These are not situations the average American male is put in. It's not fair that I have to go through this. There is no manual for this. I think I just wish she didn't model anymore."

In addition to feeling conflicted about having to fantasize about his own wife, Roddick said he struggled to be taken completely in by the stunning cover shot.

"She looks amazing in those yellow bikini bottoms," he said. "But at the same time, we had Indian for dinner yesterday and all night long she was farting up the bed. So I know that it's not all good underneath there, you know?"

Decker admitted she also felt odd about masturbating to this year's swimsuit cover.