Picture Josh Freeman as Michael Jackson
With the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as Tito Jackson.
Picture Maine Hates the New York Giants
They have to stick with those from their fellow dong-shaped states.
Picture Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cheerleader Will Make You Cheer in Fear
Give us an AHHHHHHHHH!
Picture Chip Kelly Was Fairly Close to Taking the Buccaneers Job
Luckily no one would have seen the wrong cover because no one reads newspapers.
News Ronde Barber: "I have been dealing with depression brought on by being related to Tiki Barber"
"Imagine going through life and every day getting mistaken for a massive douchebag like Tiki Barber, who is my twin brother, unfortunately," said Ronde Barber. "It really starts to wear on you."
Ronde Barber says he often just stays inside all day to prevent the humiliating and enraging cases of mistaken identity.
"Ever since Tiki was outed publicly as an unlikable dick, my life has really gone south," said Ronde. "I am pretty much a hermit now. But staying inside with the blinds drawn is much better than people mistaking you for Tiki Barber."
Despite having a longer and more successful career, Ronde Barber is not as famous as Tiki due to playing in a smaller market and being a defensive player.
"Yes, I should be more famous than him, but I'm not. Life isn't fair," said Ronde. "If life was fair, I'd have a big scar or something on my face so people would know I'm not Tiki. Hey … that's not a bad idea," Ronde added, pulling a large knife out of a kitchen drawer.
Picture Tiki And Ronde Barber In Happier Times
You can tell them apart because Tiki is the one who is unlikable.
News Happy Veterans Day from Kellen Winslow, Jr.
Men and women of the military, thank you for your service to all of us. Sincerely.
Even to those of us who are morons. Also sincerely. Or not. Yeah, probably not.
Lt. Winslow, U.S. Douche Corps.
News Word of the day: Jagodzinski
Jagodzinski [jag-o-zin-ski, dum-ass, mor-on]
verb
1. to lose a stable job while carelessly and publicly seeking another job, only to eventually lose the job you moved to, leaving you without any job at all.
Jobless, his life in shambles and with no way to pay his bills, Jeff chided himself for engaging in such careless jagodzinski.
noun
2. any person who engages in jagodzinski.
That guy can't keep a job. He's a total jagodzinski.
Picture: Your typical jagodzinski looks a lot like this guy, complete with that stupid grin and haircut and expanding chin area.
News Inside the NFL QB battles
NFL training camps open with six starting quarterback jobs up for grabs.
Here is a look at each position battle and what each player brings to the table.
>> Cleveland Browns
Derek Anderson
PRO: Has been successful as a starter before, going 10-5 in 2007 with 3,787 yards and 29 touchdowns.
CON: His numbers dropped precipitously last year. Although to be fair, his numbers were actually dropped by Braylon Edwards.
Brady Quinn
PRO: Proved he was a great leader at Notre Dame. Plus, his popped collar only adds to that. It makes him appear regal. Almost like royalty.
CON: Opposing defenses have a tendency to read his eyes. Mainly because they can't take their gaze off of them.
>> Detroit Lions
Daunte Culpepper
PRO: Has put up big numbers and won games in the past before his knee injuries.
CON: Lost of mobility means- … did he just get sacked in a drill without a defense? My God.
Matthew Stafford
PRO: Most scouts rate him a can't-miss.
CON: Most scouts rated Joey Harrington a can't-miss.
>> Minnesota Vikings
Tarvaris Jackson
PRO: Is not Brett Favre.
CON: Is not Brett Favre.
Sage Rosenfels
PRO: Is not Brett Favre.
CON: Is not Brett Favre.
>> New York Jets
Kellen Clemens
PRO: Despite his last name and the fact that his first name starts with a K, he's not related to that dickwad Roger Clemens.
CON: Perhaps not coincidentally, he also can't throw anywhere near as well as Roger Clemens. (But as an addendum to his PRO: he's also not on steroids. So that's nice.)
Mark Sanchez
PRO: Has experience running a pro-style offense and playing under the pressures of a pro-style contract.
CON: He has never played a game in the snow. (And he may never. Please recycle!)
>> San Francisco 49ers
Shaun Hill
PRO: Is a solid game manager.
CON: He manages to lose. A lot.
Alex Smith
PRO: Tied a career high in touchdowns last season and has been a consistent contributor since coming into the league.
CON: Unfortunately, that's Alex Smith the tight end. Alex Smith the quarterback is a pile of crap.
>> Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Josh Freeman
PRO: He rewrote the record books at Kansas State.
CON: I'm just quoting that from something I read elsewhere. I seriously doubt Kansas State has record books.
Byron Leftwich
PRO: Gets his whole team involved. Usually by having them carry him up and down the field when he gets hurt.
CON: Questionable decision making. (He turned down a contract from the reigning Super Bowl champions to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers!)
Luke McCown
PRO: Is not Cade McCown or Josh McCown.
CON: Is Luke McCown.
