Filed Under » Super Bowl XLVII

Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco said today that he appreciates the love and support of Ravens fans as he prepares to quarterback his team in Super Bowl XLVII.

"Their support of me has never wavered dating all the way back to two weeks ago when we beat Peyton Manning and the Broncos," said Flacco. "And the win over Tom Brady and the Patriots made it back-to-back weeks of not being seen as the only thing preventing this team from winning a Super Bowl. I've never felt so loved. It feels great."

Flacco says he is confident that as long as he doesn't go out and "really suck it up" in the Super Bowl, Ravens fans "will continue to support me unconditionally."

"Granted, I've never played well this many games in a row in my life, so the wheels are likely to come off at any moment," said Flacco. "Still, though. And, heck, even if I do play well and we still happen to lose, I'll probably be blamed for the loss. But the opportunity is there for me to not forever be seen as the weak link."

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis became the first player in NFL history to play in a Pro Bowl in the same season as his team will play in the Super Bowl Sunday night when he took the field for the AFC.

"Ray didn't make the Pro Bowl team. He wasn't on the roster," said AFC head coach John Fox. "But … am I going to tell Ray Lewis he can't play? He saw all those NBC national TV cameras out there and couldn't be stopped."

Lewis quickly made his presence known, shoving national anthem singer Brian McKnight to the ground and doing a tearful dance with the American flag draped over his shoulders. He then shouted down head coaches John Fox and Mike McCarthy to give a pregame speech to both the AFC and NFC teams. Next he paced around the midfield logo for 20 minutes, pounding his chest and yelling "WOOOOOOO!" as the crowd politely clapped, many eventually leaving.

Finally, unable to remove Lewis from the field when he noticed a camera hovering over the field, referees started the game, players running full-speed past the linebacker for the opening kickoff as he continued his performance at midfield.

The Ravens legend finally wrapped the midfield portion of his routine late in the first quarter and ran off the field to stand by NBC sideline reporter Doug Flutie.

"I'm just glad to be here to be a leader for these men," Lewis said.

"Ummm … we're not on camera right now," said Flutie. "I … I didn't even ask to interview you."

"I'm crying, man," Lewis said, dumping a cup of water on his face. "Look at these tears. People will want to see this."

San Francisco 49ers kicker David Akers has filed a trademark for "Akersing," which is when a veteran kicker well past his prime who everyone knows shouldn't be relied on in a game as big as the Super Bowl blows a championship for his team by missing the game-winning kick as time expires.

"I see this as a win-win for me," said Akers. "There's a chance, a very slim chance, that I could make all my kicks in the Super Bowl and I don't become an enduring symbol of sports failure and hated by everyone in Northern California. That would be great. Or, I could continue to stink, lose the Super Bowl for the 49ers and, on the positive side, make a fortune off of the term Akersing."

Akers says he consulted with former Buffalo Bills kicker Scott Norwood, who missed a 47-yard field goal for the Bills at the end of Super Bowl XXV, for advice.

"I still wish I had trademarked Norwooding, but that isn't something players did back in my day," said Norwood. "I could have made a lot of money off of it — money I could have used to hire security or re-landscape my lawn after Bills fans destroyed it."

Norwood hopes Akers won't suffer his fate.

"My life has been hell since 1991. And all I did was miss a 47-yard field goal," said Norwood. "David would have it much worse. I can see him missing a 27-yarder. Maybe a few extra points, too. It will be rough."

In wake of the increasingly excessive, round-the-clock coverage of Ray Lewis' retirement, career, and legacy, the Baltimore Ravens have decided to cut ties with the 17 year veteran as his presence has now been deemed a distraction to the team.

"It was a tough decision, but the right one," said coach John Harbaugh. "Don't get me wrong, we love the guy and wish him well in his future endeavors, but we've got a big game coming up and need our focus on San Fran."

Harbaugh went on to mention how Lewis was a great teammate and only ever did what was asked of him.

"Ray's a champ. I mean, what can I say about Ray that hasn't already been said hundreds of times these past few weeks? But that's exactly why we are where we are right now. We are a team, not just one player."

Lewis, the 13-time Pro Bowler and seven-time First-Team All-Pro middle linebacker, spent his entire 17-year career in Baltimore, spanning a team record 227 games, but has just one lone Super Bowl appearance to show for it.

"And that's why he should understand the importance of this situation more than anybody; he knows how hard it is to get to one of these things," continued Harbaugh. "You don't wanna mess it up."

In a historic blunder that has far-reaching implications for the NFL's marketing, the league announced today that it had lost the right to the term "Super Bowl," forcing the league to call its annual championship match "The Big Game."

"Everyone, I'm sorry," said commissioner Roger Goddell, "but the term Super – whoops, we have to pay him $50 million if we use that. So, I mean what we used to call The Big Game – is now owned by Don's Super Bowl of Flint, Michigan."

Don's, a bowling alley operated by Flint native Don Smith, has had the "Super Bowl" name since 1943. While the league was unaware of the alley, Smith was reportedly biding his time until the rights lapsed.

"Yeah, every day I'd read that newspaper, hoping to see that the NFL was trying to renew the rights. But I never saw anything about it for a long time, until recently. I read somewhere that the league let the rights to the name lapse, so I snatched it up. Let me tell ya – it's been a pretty sweet deal so far."

In an attempt to coerce him into relinquishing the rights, the NFL has offered him such perks as four free Big Game XLVII tickets, a large amount of NFL memorabilia, the chance to have a stadium or trophy named after him, personal use of Tim Tebow, and ownership of the Cleveland Browns.

As football fans prepare for the "HarBowl" or "Superbaugh" — depending on which nickname you prefer for the Jim Harbaugh vs. John Harbaugh Super Bowl — two other coaching brothers have a match-up of their own in the works.

"Yeah, me and that fat shitstain of a twin brother of mine, Rob, are going to hang out this weekend," said New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan. "We'll probably shoot some pool, go to Hooters and maybe fire up the ol' Nintendo."

Rex Ryan says he had a Nintendo at his "bitchin' pad" back when he was defensive coordinator at Morehead State from 1990 to 1993.

"Late 20s, one bedroom apartment in Morehead, Kentucky, cable TV with the nudie channels, a Nintendo," he said. "Yeah, I was living the life. My dickhead brother was at Tennessee State then and he'd pop over on free weekends and we'd go all out on Tecmo Bowl from morning to night."

Rob Ryan says the Harbaugh brothers are getting all the coaching attention right now, but he knows the Ryans are the best.

"You want to know how I knew I was the best defensive mind in the game?" asked the unemployed Rob Ryan, sitting shirtless on his brother's couch. "I beat Rex one day and he had Bo Jackson and the Raiders."