Filed Under » Super Bowl XLVII

The Lord says He is very upset over a report in Sports Illustrated that Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis used deer antler spray, which contains an illegal performance enhancer, to recover from his torn triceps.

"It's a crisis of faith," said Lord. "You put all your faith in Ray Lewis only to get let down and humiliated like this. I honestly tend to be a little skeptical and cynical about humans. I mean, not one hasn't sinned so far. But I thought Ray Lewis was different. Guess I was wrong — and that's the first time I was ever wrong, which as you can probably imagine, is also disappointing."

The Lord says he now regrets all of the times He defended Lewis.

"We've had a lot of debates in the Three-In-One about Ray," said Lord. "They always say that Ray puts on the holy thing to help his image and cover up his guilt over his role in that double murder. They say he has never given a full accounting of what happened that night and why he fled the scene covered in blood and why he destroyed the clothing he was wearing. They say a great man and great leader wouldn't have six kids by four different women. They say that instead of being humble as We instruct, he craves the spotlight. But I always insisted Ray was legit. That he had found the path. Now this. Done in by deer antlers, of all things. I knew We never should have created deer. They look stupid. What's the point of the antlers?"

The San Francisco 49ers team plane landed in New Orleans late Sunday night, giving players and staff a quick chance to explore the city before beginning their rigorous Super Bowl preparation. While some opted to sample New Orleans signature cuisine or decorated jazz scene, 28-year-old backup quarterback Alex Smith had his eyes set on a more obscure New Orleans attraction.

"We should totally check out one of those voodoo places," suggested Smith to a group of 49ers special teams players he deems 'friends'. "Like, just as a joke – just to see what kind of weirdos hang out there. It's like 'Oooh, magic, we're so scared.' But seriously, cab picks us up in 10 minutes."

Smith, the 49ers starting quarterback to begin the season, was replaced by second-year quarterback Colin Kaepernick in Week 10, despite leading the 49ers to a 6-2-1 record. Although San Francisco has continued success, some wonder if Smith is wishing ill-will towards Kaepernick.

"Look at this voodoo doll, it's got markings that kinda look like tattoos," laughed Smith. "How much do you guys dare me to buy it?"