Picture USA Wins Gold Medal for Coolest Fencing Mask
Although that may really motivate America-hating opponents.
News USA Flexes Muscles with Unannounced Stadium Flyover During London 2012 Opening Ceremonies
Terrified performers and Olympic organizers fled the stadium floor, while the American athletes and fans in attendance stood and applauded.
The White House confirmed the flyover had occurred and was intentional.
"There are a billion people watching on television," President Obama was quoted in a White House press release. "It was a unique opportunity to remind everyone that we run things and can bomb the hell out of you if we want to. But it was mainly just for fun. Me and Dave Cameron are pals. I hope he took it well."
Opinion How to Improve Every Sport in the Olympics
Archery – Archery sucks because there are no moving targets. Know what targets would move? Other archers.
Badminton – Badminton should be played using the same rules we all play badminton with: each team gets one grandmother and one little kid.
Basketball – Remember when all of the teams were crappy except the United States? That was way more entertaining. Let's go back to that. When Angola loses by 194 points, everyone wins.
Beach volleyball – Enough with the teasing. It's time to go fully nude.
Boxing – Ignore boxing and replace it with UFC. It's time the Olympics does what everyone else has done.
Canoe – Race speedboats instead. Because speedboats explode sometimes.
Cycling – Race unicycles. Two wheels are for klutzes who can't balance.
Diving – Every diver must do one bellyflop and one cannonball in competition or they are disqualified. Biggest splash get the highest score. Common sense.
Equestrian – There's no reason to completely overhaul this classic sport. So let's just make one minor tweak: If a horse is injured, the owner and jockey are shot along with the horse.
