Subway destroyed his poo.
Picture German Cycling Quads
Finding jeans must be a bitch.
Picture Coach Admires Gymnastics Butt
It's why he got into the sport.
Don't ruin your parents' lives, kid.
Although that may really motivate America-hating opponents.
Terrified performers and Olympic organizers fled the stadium floor, while the American athletes and fans in attendance stood and applauded.
The White House confirmed the flyover had occurred and was intentional.
"There are a billion people watching on television," President Obama was quoted in a White House press release. "It was a unique opportunity to remind everyone that we run things and can bomb the hell out of you if we want to. But it was mainly just for fun. Me and Dave Cameron are pals. I hope he took it well."
Archery Archery sucks because there are no moving targets. Know what targets would move? Other archers.
Badminton Badminton should be played using the same rules we all play badminton with: each team gets one grandmother and one little kid.
Basketball Remember when all of the teams were crappy except the United States? That was way more entertaining. Let's go back to that. When Angola loses by 194 points, everyone wins.
Beach volleyball Enough with the teasing. It's time to go fully nude.
Boxing Ignore boxing and replace it with UFC. It's time the Olympics does what everyone else has done.
Canoe Race speedboats instead. Because speedboats explode sometimes.
Cycling Race unicycles. Two wheels are for klutzes who can't balance.
Diving Every diver must do one bellyflop and one cannonball in competition or they are disqualified. Biggest splash get the highest score. Common sense.
Equestrian There's no reason to completely overhaul this classic sport. So let's just make one minor tweak: If a horse is injured, the owner and jockey are shot along with the horse.
I think they mean at SEX!