The Next Summer Olympics Sport

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Michael Phelps Has a Revelation

Greatest female athlete ever. Continue Reading →

Sometimes Weightlifting Makes You Pee

The lifter after her will really enjoy that. Continue Reading →

Hipster Glasses Come to the Olympics

The Olympic rings have no lenses. Continue Reading →

Swimming Can Sometimes Look a Little Male Porn-ish

NBC should tape delay this until 2 AM. Continue Reading →
Flag bearer Mariel Zagunis of the U.S. holds the national flag as she leads the contingent in the athletes parade during the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic Games at the Olympic Stadium

The 8 Athletes in Every Olympics

The Choker This person has trained her entire life for this day. Never had a slice of pizza, never drank a soda, never stayed up later than 10:00 p.m. All for this one day, this one ... Continue Reading →

Olympic Elbow Dislocation

He wins the gold in Excruciating Pain. Continue Reading →

Olympic Pool Cleared Out Due to Floating Turd

Swimming events at London 2012's Aquatics Centre were halted today when lifeguards spotted a floater in Lane 6 during the 100m butterfly. "At first I thought maybe it was ... Continue Reading →

U.S. Women’s Gymnastics Team Inspires Tiny, Muscular Girls Across the Nation

The U.S. women's gymnastics team took gold in the team competition on Tuesday night, achieving their lifelong dreams and inspiring a whole new generation of miniature girls with ... Continue Reading →

Summer Olympics Pickup Lines

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Olympic Gymnast Needs a Little Privacy

Having a rib removed is cheating in the sport of gymnastics masturbation. Continue Reading →

NBC Decides to Hold News That London Has Been Destroyed by a Giant Dragon

While media organizations the world over today clamored to cover perhaps the most amazing news story in history — the total destruction of the city of London by a giant, fire-breathing ... Continue Reading →

Foreign Person Wins Olympic Medal

The good mood at the London 2012 Olympics was tempered a bit today when a person who isn't from your country won a medal. "I didn't care to see that all," said ... Continue Reading →

Elton John and John Denver Fight in the Greatest Boxing Match Ever

Elton John should probably win this. Continue Reading →

Harsh Newspaper Claims Ryan Lochte “Blows”

You fail to medal once and suddenly you’re terrible. Continue Reading →

German Cycling Quads

Finding jeans must be a bitch. Continue Reading →

Coach Admires Gymnastics Butt

It’s why he got into the sport. Continue Reading →

Being a Gymnastics Parent Looks Exhausting

Don't ruin your parents' lives, kid. Continue Reading →