Filed Under » Stuff You Might Have Heard

Seattle Mariners designated hitter Ken Griffey, Jr. appeared to nod off last night during a change-up thrown to him by Orioles starter David Hernandez. "Junior still has a great hitting eye," said a teammate. "And he saw out of his hand that it was going to be off-speed and take a while to reach him. So he caught a few winks." Griffey denies nodding off, but two pitches later he had to be roused by Mariners manager Ken Wakamatsu when the count reached two strikes. Griffey than ripped a double into the gap, and sprinted into second, where he laid down on the dirt and used the bag for a pillow until the inning ended.

Thanks to a positive test for performance enhancing drugs and a four-game suspension, Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing has achieved a franchise first and become the only player to wear a Texans uniform that anyone has heard of. "I apologize to the team and our fans," said Cushing. "But, I'll admit, it's kind of neat to be known more than our receiver, the one that people say is underrated but is just as good as Larry Fitzgerald." Texans head coach Gary Kubiak said he was upset about the the positive test. "This is not who we want as the face of our franchise," he said. "We want it to be our defensive end, Mario … Mario … Van Peebles is it? No, that's an actor from the '90s. I don't know. The Mario guy we drafted instead of Reggie Bush."

With the Montreal Canadiens facing elimination in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference semifinals, Canadiens head coach Jacques Martin is making a gamble. "We need to score goals if we're going to win," said Martin. "We haven't scored more than three goals in a game this series. We've been shut out in one game. It's time to put our best players where we need them." So star goalie Jaroslav Halak will start at left wing on Montreal's top line tonight. "Jaroslav has been clutch for us all playoffs," said Martin. "I'm confident he'll step up for us again." Halak said he'll do his best. "I haven't played offense since I was six years old, but I watch it a lot from in goal. I've picked up a lot of stuff," he said. "I'm just worried it will be hard for me to skate fast with these pads on."

With the country in the midst of financial collapse, many politicians in Greece are now coming to grips with the reality that the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens may not have given the bankrupt country the financial windfall it had hoped for and been promised. "I don't know if we exactly expected to become incredibly rich," said prime ministerKonstandinos Karamanlis. "But I guess we probably felt the entire country wouldn't be broke in six years. Yeah, I think that was a safe bet. Hey, who knew?" As Greece looks for ways to crawl out of its financial hole, Karamanlis and other officials wonder if another Olympics is the key. "Maybe we can get one of those Winter Olympics," he said. "Maybe they're the lucrative ones. At the very least, the rioters could use the Olympic torch to burn the country down."

"I've got no reason to shave anymore," former Chicago Bulls head coach Vinny Del Negro said today. "I'm just going to relax for a while. Catch up on some reading, spend some time with my family and grow a sideburn." Del Negro said he considered growing out his second sideburn, but decided that was going too far. "I just want to look like I'm on vacation or something, not homeless," he said. "No, I'll still keep shaving off my left sideburn every morning." Del Negro says he also hopes to catch a Duran Duran concert.

According to state and local officials, it is still too early to tell how the devastating flooding that has hit the region will impact the Memphis Grizzlies and their involvement in this offseason's free agency bonanza. Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen says he has requested federal relief and that currently "the rescue portion is over. Now we are on to recovery." Also, he added: "As for your question about the Grizzlies, no one cares."

Calvin Borel rode the winner at the Kentucky Derby in three of the past four years. Now the most successful jockey in horse racing is set to cash in with an endorsement contract with Nike for their line of jockey shoes. "It's every jockey's dream to be able to make a living off of the sport we love," said Borel. "Well, assuming the dream to not be miniature isn't a possibility. Same with the dream to be respected." Nike hopes attaching Borel's name to the line can boost sales. "Our jockey line of shoes is just what we're calling our kids shoes that don't sell," said a Nike spokesman. "Instead of putting those kids shoes on clearance and taking a hit, we mark them up as specialized 'jockey' shoes. That's why you may have noticed that Calvin's shoes are velcro and have a picture of a cartoon frog on them."

The Philadelphia Eagles took another step today to show their confidence in untested new starting quarterback Kevin Kolb, unveiling a massive, 75-foot tall bronze statue of the three-year backup outside of the main entrance to Lincoln Financial Field. "We have a lot of confidence in Kevin," said head coach Andy Reid. "And we want people to know that." At the base of the Kolb statue is a large sign that reads: "Kevin Kolb: The Greatest Philadelphia Eagle Ever." The team also announced it is changing the name of the quarterback position to The Kolb. "The statue is a huge honor for me," said Kolb. "It's probably the highlight of my career. Probably even more than any of my four career touchdown passes."

After having the opportunity to spend another day in Cleveland, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah apologized today for his recent negative comments about the city. "It really is an amazing place," said Noah. "There's the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is like a Hard Rock Cafe but without all of the tables in the way. And you can also see the Indians play or the Cavaliers play. And the whole city is on Lake Erie. I am definitely eating my words." Noah said he would even consider getting a second house in Cleveland or maybe retiring there one day. "You never know what could happen," he said. "I could be struck blind and deaf. And then, why not Cleveland? It would as nice as any other place in those circumstances. Except colder."

Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Gerardo Parra was pulled out of the batter's box during his first plate appearance last night after several Arizona fans reported to stadium police that Parra looked suspiciously Mexican. "Under the new state law, we have to follow up on these things," said a stadium security spokesman. "And it's good we did. He didn't have the required paperwork." Parra told police he is from Venezuela, not Mexico, but had no official identification on him at the plate. "His wristbands had his name on them, but that's not good enough," said arresting office Lt. Michael Dellesardo. "It's pretty easy to get fake wristbands these days." Parra was arrested on the field and is now awaiting a deportation hearing. Arizona manager AJ Hinch replaced Parra in the lineup with Cole Gillespie. "Cole is our fourth outfielder and has great potential," said Hinch. "Because he's white."