Filed Under » Stuff You Might Have Heard

Blue Jays closer Kevin Gregg shut the Padres down in the 9th inning to preserve a 6-3 win for his team, saving the game wrap that Toronto Sun beat writer Jeff Magrye had finished midway through the sixth inning. "Kevin really would have let the team down if he blew that save," said Magrye. "And, more importantly, he would have let me down. I wasn't paying attention to the game since I finished my game wrap in the sixth. I would have been screwed." Magrye's game wrap focused entirely on Shawn Marcum's strong start and a 4-run second inning that staked Toronto to a 4-0 lead. Thanks to Gregg saving his report, Magrye was able to cap it with one sentence: "The Padres and Blue Jays traded runs in the seventh and eighth before Kevin Gregg came on in the ninth to close it out."

After several days of uncertainty, it appears Baylor will have a home should the Big 12 Conference fall apart. According to sources close to the program, the Bears will join the Baylor Conference — currently named the Baylor University Intramural Athletics Department. "Nothing has been decided," Baylor athletics director Ian McCaw. "We would love to stay in the Big 12. Or go to the Pac-10. Or SEC. Or really any BCS conference that would have us. However, I think we would be very competitive in the Baylor Conference." Baylor alums and boosters are confident the Bears would do well in basketball in the Baylor Conference, but fear the Bears would struggle in kickball, frisbee golf and football.

The opening match of the World Cup between South Africa and Mexico was moved to a secondary field when it went longer than scheduled and threatened to push back a men's rec league softball game that had been reserved the field for a game. "We were going to be done in time for their game," said South Africa coach Carlos Alberto Parreira. "But they wanted to get on early to take batting practice. I hate when the field is overbooked." Chuck Marsavage, who plays right-center for Jimmy's Pizza, said he's pissed at the soccer players. "They took all the bases off the field," he said. "Now we have to put them back on. Why couldn't they just leave them there and run around them?"

Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter stopped by the organization’s HR office this morning to put in for a week of vacation from July 3-10.“Some friends and I are going down the Jersey shore. We got a couple rooms at Days Inn a few blocks off the beach,” said Jeter. “It should be a good time.”The Yankees require one-month notice of vacation for all employees, but have never had a player request vacation time.“I guess we have to give it to him,” said general manager Brian Cashman. “I looked and none of our utility infielders are on vacation that week, so we have people to fill in for him. We’ll just have to tweak our vacation policy for next year to exclude players.”

Residents of Philadelphia have taken to the streets and airwaves in outrage after video surfaced of a toddler drinking from a beer bottle at a Phillies game. A bottle which, by all accounts, was a light beer.“I’m shocked,” said Philly resident John Ganter, “what kind of parent lets their infant child start off with such a pussy drink like that? I mean what planet are these people living on?”Philadelphia mayor Michael Nutter echoed Ganter’s sentiments, adding, “Even if it was intended to be a joke, drinking a light beer is simply not something you joke about in today’s world. What’s the point? To cut carbs? He’s f—king 3 years-old, for chrissake!”The father of the boy could not be reached for comment, but through a written statement issued an apology: “It was a momentary act of indiscretion on my part to allow my child to even be handling a light beer, and to get it into his head in any way that drinking a light beer is acceptable. I’m truly sorry. That shit tastes like water, and I should have known better.” Local officials say they will not charge the father as long as he makes his son smoke an entire pack of menthol cigarettes.

Baseball super-agent Scott Boras represents several of the top picks taken in the 2010 MLB Draft. And while general managers dread negotiating with him, he says the perception that he is trying to bleed teams of money is unfounded. "I just want what's best for these kids," said Boras. "I would never say this in a negotiation, but who knows if they'll ever even reach the major leagues. Many young prospects flame out. So they need this money now to last the rest of their lives. And they need a lot of money because I take 68-percent." In 2009, Boras negotiated the largest contract in draft history for No. 1 overall pick Stephen Strasburg. "He got me a record deal. That's all you can ask for from your agent," said Strasburg. "But after his commission and fees, I only had enough left to buy a used Corolla and make a security deposit on a two-bedroom apartment. But it's cool — he said I can stay at one of his mansions whenever I want."

Mixed martial artist Ike Scott chose to keep most of his martial skills in the bag last night, instead choosing to just repeatedly kick challenger Robbie Riser over and over in the face in their UFC bout.“Hey, if he wants to win that way, I guess that’s his choice,” said Riser, after he awoke from his short coma. “But I’m more of a purist. I think other skills should be utilized when nearly killing someone. Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn’t permanently maim someone without at least mixing in some elbows to the eye and throat punches. That’s just having respect for the sport.”Scott says that Riser’s complaints are just sour grapes.“Not having respect for the sport? That’s just absurd,” said Scott. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to kick him in the nuts? But I fought that urge the whole time. I’m the good guy here.”

Umpire Jim Joyce accepted a Detroit Tigers fan’s generous offer of glasses last night, happily accepting the man’s spectacles at the close of the ninth inning.“The guy was screaming at me for most of the inning: ‘Hey, ump, do you want my glasses?’” said Joyce. “At first, I had no intention of taking them, as my vision is 20-20. But I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. Everyone in baseball needs to be mindful of the fans. Plus, I thought they were pretty nice frames. I’ll look kind of cool and bohemian if I wear them.” Joycesays he is very much enjoying the frames, and hopes fans will offer him more things in the future. "I’ve heard fans yell to me before: ‘Hey, ump, here’s a dollar. Why don’t you go buy a clue?’” he said. “I think I might start accepting these dollars. Might be a nice little extra way to make money. I am just glad my work is appreciated."

BP took credit for the successful draining of fluid from the knee of Lakers center Andrew Bynum's today, desperate for positive press in light of the disaster in the Gulf and their inability to stem the flow of oil. "The top kill approach didn't work," said CEO Tony Hayward. "However, with knee fluid still streaming out of the incision, we were able to eventually stop it with a last-ditch junk shot approach, in which we shot golf balls and chunks of old tires at Andrew's knee. He's pretty sore, but the fluid leak has been stopped." Lakers team physician Dr. Stephen Lombardo disputed BP's claims. "They had absolutely nothing to do with Andrew's procedure," he said. "Also, f—k BP."

Ubaldo Jimenez of the Colorado Rockies and Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants engaged in an epic pitching duel on Sunday, with Jimenez coming out on top with a four-hit shutout to win 4-0. He then chopped off Lincecum's head, per the guidelines spelled out at the beginning of the duel. "You have bested me," Lincecum said moments before Jimenez's blade came down. "You are an honorable foe." Jimenez said he was very pleased to win the duel. "Tim is a great pitcher and it's big to get a win in the division. Also, after I chopped off his head, it was fun to hold up in the air by his long girl hair. I thought that was a nice effect."