Brook Lopez, Devin Harris, Courtney Lee decide on "Mediocre Three" nickname

New Jersey Nets starters Brook Lopez, Devin Harris and Courtney Lee have announced they will play under the "Mediocre Three" nickname. "We just thought 'Big Three' ... Continue Reading →

Rookie call-up told to pick at-bat music befitting his race

The Florida Marlins called up rookie Bryan Petersen this week and, after he was given his uniform and locker, the outfielder was taken to meet the team's stadium music coordinator ... Continue Reading →

Michael Jordan says the X-Men were a bunch of "weak pussies"

NBA legend Michael Jordan ripped into the X-Men today, saying that if he had superpowers he never would have joined forces with other similarly gifted mutants. "There's no ... Continue Reading →

Athletic program’s internal investigation finds no wrongdoing

An internal investigation by the University of Florida into possible malfeasance in their athletic program has determined that no wrongdoing took place. "In fact," said Florida ... Continue Reading →

Muslim family disappointed by trip to the "Mecca of Basketball"

After misunderstanding an article printed in the Afghanistan Times Daily back in May, Kabul City resident Al-Lateef Mohammed booked a trip for him and his family to New York City for ... Continue Reading →

Cowboys select creatine in NFL supplemental draft

The Dallas Cowboys took creatine yesterday in the NFL supplemental draft, feeling the muscle-building substance was just the supplement the team needed to add bulk onto its players. ... Continue Reading →

Football star Thierry Henry to attempt soccer career

Former Arsenal, Barcelona and French national team star Thierry Henry announced Wednesday that he will come to the United States and attempt to play the sport of soccer. "This ... Continue Reading →

Lance Armstrong admits he still has no idea what a peloton is

Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong admitted today that he "doesn't have a goddam clue" what a peloton is. "In fact, I don't understand half the ... Continue Reading →

Spain to have 3,214-mile parade through Spain

Spain has the World Cup. Now they plan to celebrate in front of their fans with a parade throughout the center of Spain. The parade will begin in the northwest corner of the country, ... Continue Reading →

Cleveland starting to develop a complex

The City of Cleveland was spurned by NBA superstar and Northern Ohio native Lebron James on Thursday, the latest in a long line of slights against the city. "You know, I'm ... Continue Reading →

David Kahn frees up cap space by clearing out dried toothpaste

David Kahn, president of basketball operations for the Minnesota Timberwolves, successfully opened up significant cap space this morning by chipping away the toothpaste that had dried ... Continue Reading →

Tiger Woods totally going to sleep with nosey reporter’s wife

In his first press conference with foreign reporters since his infamous troubles began last Thanksgiving, Tiger Woods was not shown the same deference afforded him by the American media. ... Continue Reading →

Baseball team turns rare 2-6-12 double play

Baseball history was made last night when the New York Yankees turned the first 2-6-12 double play in modern times, if not the first sine the game was invented. "I never thought ... Continue Reading →

Free agent F Rudy Gay signs with money

Free agent forward Rudy Gay is off the market. Gay was being pursued by Minnesota and New Jersey, among other teams, but after weighing his options has decided to go with an absolutely ... Continue Reading →

New memoir reveals Shaquille O’Neal suffered from paniq attaqs as a rookie

In his tell-all autobiography to be released this fall, current Cavaliers center Shaquille reveals that as a rookie in Orlando, he repeatedly dealt with bouts of severe paniq attaqs. ... Continue Reading →

Tiki Barber suspicious that his new babies look a lot like Ronde Barber

Former NFL running back and Today show host Tiki Barber says he is becoming increasingly suspicious that he is not the father of his newborn twins to his estranged wife, Ginny. "You ... Continue Reading →

Friend asks if you heard him blowing his vuvuzela at the World Cup

Having just returned from attending the World Cup in South Africa, your friend Josh asked today if you heard him blowing his vuvuzela during the U.S.-Algeria match last Saturday. "I'm ... Continue Reading →

Orioles fans placed on bereavement leave

The Baltimore Orioles today placed their fans on bereavement leave to deal with the crushing reality that the team is horrible and has absolutely no hope of ever contending in the American ... Continue Reading →