Darrelle Revis to end holdout once he completes a season in Madden 11

Reports out of Jets camp today say that star cornerback Darrelle Revis will end his holdout as soon as he finishes at least one season on Madden 11. "Darrelle told me from the ... Continue Reading →

Seahawks apologize for not making any plays in Super Bowl XL

The Seattle Seahawks apologized today for doing absolutely nothing that would have helped them win Super Bowl XL four and a half years ago. "I've had a lot of sleepless night ... Continue Reading →

Rick Pitino wondering how jury took 38 seconds to come to a verdict

Louisville head coach Rick Pitino says he is happy that Karen Sypher has been found guilty of attempting to extort him, but wonders why the jury took so long to come to a decision. ... Continue Reading →

Column on fantasy football written seriously

CBS Sports.com fantasy football writer Jeff Tannenger filed an article today on the top sleeper fantasy tight ends that seemed to be written without any hint of irony or realization ... Continue Reading →

Jets to attempt blockade of Revis Island

The New York Jets have announced they plan a naval blockade around Revis Island, hoping to bring the tiny nation to its knees. "No money, no cafeteria food, no team gear shall ... Continue Reading →

Albert Haynesworth passes wheezing test

Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth passed the team's wheezing test this afternoon, successfully breaking into a wheeze after going up two steps into the team cafeteria. ... Continue Reading →

Reds receive player to be named later in 1963 trade with Houston Colt .45s

The Cincinnati Reds today received relief pitcher Tom Majewski as the player to be named later in an earlier trade with Houston. The acquisition of Majewski, retired now and age 76, ... Continue Reading →

Sources: Multiple teams looking to trade lousy players before deadline

With major league baseball’s trade deadline just hours away, sources in various front offices say that many teams are trying to unload their crappiest players for better ones.“Most ... Continue Reading →

Boisterous crowd breaks stadium noise meter

A loud and unruly crowd at AT&T Park last night broke the stadium’s noise meter when it refused to stop cheering even though the meter was clearly being pushed to its limit. ... Continue Reading →

Awesome trade rumor found deep inside reporter’s ass

Milwaukee Brewers beat writer Jeff Walker discovered a trade rumor way up in his ass today that would send Prince Fielder to the Yankees for Joba Chamberlain. "Admittedly, there's ... Continue Reading →

Brook Lopez, Devin Harris, Courtney Lee decide on "Mediocre Three" nickname

New Jersey Nets starters Brook Lopez, Devin Harris and Courtney Lee have announced they will play under the "Mediocre Three" nickname. "We just thought 'Big Three' ... Continue Reading →

Rookie call-up told to pick at-bat music befitting his race

The Florida Marlins called up rookie Bryan Petersen this week and, after he was given his uniform and locker, the outfielder was taken to meet the team's stadium music coordinator ... Continue Reading →

Michael Jordan says the X-Men were a bunch of "weak pussies"

NBA legend Michael Jordan ripped into the X-Men today, saying that if he had superpowers he never would have joined forces with other similarly gifted mutants. "There's no ... Continue Reading →