Enraged Lou Piniella kicks dirt over his gardener’s pruning shears

Former major league manager Lou Piniella got into it with his gardener today, angrily disputing a call the gardener made to move several herb plants to get more direct sunlight — ... Continue Reading →

LLWS star out with cooties

The star of the Toms River, New Jersey, Little League team may miss action at the Little League World Series. Several reports claim Toms River first baseman Jack Brady, 12, is stricken ... Continue Reading →

Those kind of plays to start showing up in the box score

After decades of being left out of the box score, Major League Baseball announced today that those kind of plays will start showing up in the official score sheet. “It’s ... Continue Reading →

Fan catching foul ball in cup probably going to lead Pirates 2010 highlights DVD

Pirates fan Gary Flint's impressive beer cup catch of a foul ball nearly rallied the Pirates to victory last night over the Marlins. The play is being called the most impressive ... Continue Reading →

Reggie Bush says he would give back Matt Leinart’s Heisman if he could

Reggie Bush expressed regret last week for his actions during his college days that have led to sanctions against USC, saying that if he could make it right, he would. "If only ... Continue Reading →

Braves to throw at dirt patch that hurt Chipper Jones

Braves third baseman Chipper Jones, the face of the franchise, is out for the season after tearing his ACL while fielding a ground ball in Tuesday's game at Houston. And the Braves ... Continue Reading →

Slow and steady comes in dead-last

Slow and steady came in a disappointing dead-last today in race near Chicago.“I feel like I got some bad advice,” said the last place finisher. “I was told slow and ... Continue Reading →

Knicks office bitches not excited about Isiah Thomas’ return

Various bitches employed in the New York Knicks front office say they are not pleased with owner James Dolan's decision to rehire former team president Isiah Thomas in a consulting ... Continue Reading →

Darrelle Revis to end holdout once he completes a season in Madden 11

Reports out of Jets camp today say that star cornerback Darrelle Revis will end his holdout as soon as he finishes at least one season on Madden 11. "Darrelle told me from the ... Continue Reading →

Seahawks apologize for not making any plays in Super Bowl XL

The Seattle Seahawks apologized today for doing absolutely nothing that would have helped them win Super Bowl XL four and a half years ago. "I've had a lot of sleepless night ... Continue Reading →

Rick Pitino wondering how jury took 38 seconds to come to a verdict

Louisville head coach Rick Pitino says he is happy that Karen Sypher has been found guilty of attempting to extort him, but wonders why the jury took so long to come to a decision. ... Continue Reading →

Column on fantasy football written seriously

CBS Sports.com fantasy football writer Jeff Tannenger filed an article today on the top sleeper fantasy tight ends that seemed to be written without any hint of irony or realization ... Continue Reading →

Jets to attempt blockade of Revis Island

The New York Jets have announced they plan a naval blockade around Revis Island, hoping to bring the tiny nation to its knees. "No money, no cafeteria food, no team gear shall ... Continue Reading →

Albert Haynesworth passes wheezing test

Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth passed the team's wheezing test this afternoon, successfully breaking into a wheeze after going up two steps into the team cafeteria. ... Continue Reading →

Reds receive player to be named later in 1963 trade with Houston Colt .45s

The Cincinnati Reds today received relief pitcher Tom Majewski as the player to be named later in an earlier trade with Houston. The acquisition of Majewski, retired now and age 76, ... Continue Reading →

Sources: Multiple teams looking to trade lousy players before deadline

With major league baseball’s trade deadline just hours away, sources in various front offices say that many teams are trying to unload their crappiest players for better ones.“Most ... Continue Reading →

Boisterous crowd breaks stadium noise meter

A loud and unruly crowd at AT&T Park last night broke the stadium’s noise meter when it refused to stop cheering even though the meter was clearly being pushed to its limit. ... Continue Reading →

Awesome trade rumor found deep inside reporter’s ass

Milwaukee Brewers beat writer Jeff Walker discovered a trade rumor way up in his ass today that would send Prince Fielder to the Yankees for Joba Chamberlain. "Admittedly, there's ... Continue Reading →