Filed Under » St. Louis Cardinals

An official, regulation Major League Baseball baseball gruesomely committed suicide last night in front of 20,000 people at Pittsburgh's PNC Park, hanging itself after being released from the hand of Cardinals pitcher Jake Westbrook.

"I didn't want or intend that to happen," said a visibly shaken Westbrook of the ball he had known for an inning. "I thought the ball had as much promise as any I've ever pitched. But clearly it had a darkness inside it that none of us knew."

Pirates catcher Ryan Doumit deposited the hanging curveball over the right-field fence for a three-run home run.

"It was the right thing to do," said Doumit. "You can't just let it hang there. I wanted to get it out of sight as quickly as possible before any kids saw it. I hope it found some peace out in the bleachers."

The curveball is just the latest MLB baseball to hang itself in what is a serious problem that has long plagued the sport. Hundreds, even thousands, of baseballs hang themselves each year.

"You look at where these baseballs come from and it's not a surprise," said a source within MLB's front office who wished to remain anonymous. "They're created in a factory to look exactly like each other. Then they're shoved in a box and sent across the world. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, they're removed from their box and hurled through the air at speeds exceeding 90mph. For every one ball that is kept and cherished for a milestone, there are 1,000 that end their own lives."