Let's just assume he has concussions problems.
He got so drunk he gave away two million free pizzas.
News Enterprise Rent-a-Car Accused of Hiring Former NCAA Athletes Solely to Help Company Softball Team
The allegations leveled against the automobile rental company, which has more than 6,000 locations throughout the United States, claim Enterprise is purposely hiring former NCAA athletes and then funneling them onto sponsored teams with the intention to dominate recreation and church leagues.
These "ringer teams" are not being warmly received by the competition.
"We used to have fun until these guys showed up," said Billy Jackson, age 44, of Goose Creek, SC. "Now these Enterprise ringer teams just keep winning. Most of my team never played baseball past Little League and we're supposed to beat a slow-pitch softball team composed entirely of former NCAA baseball players who are all 23 years-old? If you ask me, they should all be thrown out of the league."
The sports world has many powerful figures. Roger Goodell. David Stern. Phil Knight. Scott Boras. But the powerful can't be powerful if there aren't nearby powerless to crush.
From more than 70,000 votes, here is who you determined to be the sports world's most powerless.
25. Jason Garrett
What's most powerful about him: Not constrained by having a soul.
What's least powerful about him: Has completely tarnished the value of an Ivy League education.
24. Athletes who don't take PEDs
What's most powerful about them: Have a clear conscience.
What's least powerful about them: Lose all the time.
23. Fantasy sports columnists
What's most powerful about them: Can spell "rotisserie" without looking it up.
What's least powerful about them: Receive noogies from baseball sabermetric nerds.
22. Ozzie Canseco
What's most powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.
What's least powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.
"For decades we've been killing ourselves trying to come up with original look after original look for a functional item that is about 12 inches by four inches," said Charlie Denson, president of Nike Brand. "It's just not possible after a while."
Designers met earlier this week to plan the 2013 fall line and quickly made the decision.
"We were in the design meeting and realized that every new idea had already been done," said Denson. "Suddenly we all just kind of said: 'You know what? We've done everything that's possible. Everything. There is nothing else to do. Fk it. We're done.'"
Nike founder Phil Knight said he is "100-percent on board with the decision."
"You know, this has actually been a long time coming," said Knight. "You can only make a shoe so many ways. You can only add so many seams or zippers or color patches or straps or goddam air pockets. We've done it all. Every combination and permutation. We could sell some slightly modified crap and pretend it's new, but we would never do that here at Nike. That's now how we operate."
"Due to the seemingly insurmountable evidence that Michael Jordan wears incredibly ugly jeans and misled Nike about his fashion sense for more than two decades, it is with great sadness that we have terminated our contract with him," the company said in a statement. "Nike does not condone the use of acid wash, distressing or patches in any manner."
During his playing career, Jordan was considered one of the most fashionable players in the NBA. But since he's retired, his wardrobe has become increasingly ridiculous, as the 50-year-old Bobcats owner leans toward ill-fitting jackets, ugly suits and jeans with holes in them.
This summer, evidence surfaced that Jordan's horrible fashion sense may have started during his playing career. Grainy video shown during a "Dream Team" documentary showed Jordan wearing some kind of multi-colored patterned matching shirt-and-shorts combo, which forced Nike to take action.
"When we partnered with Michael on Jordan Brand, we'd been led to believe he was a fashion icon," said Nike president Phil Knight. "Clearly this is not the case."
Picture Condom Depot Sponsors MMA Shorts
One anus can only fit one penis. Hardly a depot.
They're Britain's No. 1 fart manufacturer.
This could impact the stock price of Trojan Condoms.