That's what you get for diving, diver.
Why the long face? Oh, right. Got punched by a human.
Picture Messi Really Excited for Match
Sex weakens legs. But not self-sex.
#25 Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown
Origin: Remember how your parents told you to be careful around power tools? They weren't kidding. When future MLB pitcher Brown was a young man he accidentally put his hand in his family farm's feed chopper. The chopper's blades cut off most of his index finger, and a later fall on the same hand permanently mangled the middle finger on his pitching hand.
His maimed fingers, though, turned out to be a blessing when they enabled him to put massive amounts of spin on his pitches. Hitters couldn't get balls in the air against Brown, and he won 239 games on his way to the Hall of Fame. So, the lesson here is clear: if your Major League dreams are looking improbable, try sticking your hand in a woodchipper. Can't hurt! (Outside of the excruciating pain.) This is the look you'll want to go for:
#24 "The Flying Housewife" Fanny Blankers-Koen
Origin: The track events at the 1948 Summer Olympic Games in London got a bit more interesting when Dutch runner Fanny Blankers-Koen tied on her spikes. She was 30 years old, a mother of two children, and ready to kick some serious tail. Blankers-Koen ended up winning four gold medals at the games, which propelled her to international fame as the wife and mother who outran everyone else.
And while the picture of Fanny below may not suggest it, she was a confirmed MILTF. (A mom I'd like to do track and field with. Duh.)
Still better than having to hear one.
Sometimes it makes more sense to cover your face than your junk.
Playlist March's Funniest Sports Videos
"The U.S.-Costa Rica World Cup qualifier played in snow in Denver moved the needle on soccer like nothing we've ever seen before," said Garber. "We've worked for years to get that much buzz for our league. Ad campaigns, promotional giveaways, free tickets. Nothing really worked. Little did we know that all along we just needed to have crystalline water ice fall from the sky. People apparently love that."
Garber is hoping the league's teams in Montreal, Toronto, Denver, Salt Lake City and Vancouver can come through with natural snow. But with several teams in warmer climates, such as the LA Galaxy and FC Dallas, Garber has dispatched snow-making machines to all 20 MLS stadiums.
"My vow is that we will not drop the ball in a single game without at least six inches of snow on the field," said Garber. "I want every game to look like a classic snow-covered soccer Christmas, if there were such a thing."
Yeah! Showed him who's in charge!
He's awesome at not scoring.