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VIDEO: MLS Reporter Takes a Soccer Ball to the Head

Poor girl. It would be so much more prestigious to get hit in the head at a soccer game in Europe.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Luis Suarez Rises from the Dead in a Soccer Easter Miracle

This diving proves his dive-inity. Continue Reading →
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The 7 Kids on Every Youth Sports Team

Few of us ever play professional sports. A few more play in college. But most everyone played sports as a kid. And if it was Little League or biddy soccer, every team had the same seven ... Continue Reading →
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Flowchart: Why Are You Currently Rioting?

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VIDEO: The Best Soccer Analysis You’ll Ever Hear (Contains Profanity)

The beautiful game has beautiful language. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Our Soccer Mascots’ Heads are Falling Off

Disgusting. That mascot’s spinal column looks like a human head.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Soccer Goalie Makes Save, Becomes Jerk, Gets Red Card

Oh, come on. What’s the point in making a great save if you can’t taunt and instigate your opponent? Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Rooster Streaks Soccer Pitch, Defeats Security

That rooster made those security guys look like total cocks.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Soccer Player Scores Goal, Celebrates with His Face

It’s good they aren’t made out of glass.  Continue Reading →
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The Funniest Athlete Tweets of 2013

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Great Reasons to Hate All 31 U.S. World Cup Opponents

Group A Brazil: Maybe Pelé started it, but AMERICANS like Cher and Madonna made the single-name thing popular. Now it’s all Brazil does. Get your own schtick, you pube-less ... Continue Reading →
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6 Alternative Ways to Group the World Cup Teams

Alphabetical Classification Continue Reading →
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Slideshow: 10 Photos You Find When You Google “Sports Slideshows”

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50 Sports Things I’m Thankful For This Thanksgiving

1. Manning Face   2. Nick Saban hating everything   3. Bill Belichick press conferences   4. fat guy touchdowns   5. fat guy baseball players   6. the Houston ... Continue Reading →
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Flowchart: Is the Athlete Accused of a Crime Guilty?

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“This is the Craziest Season Ever”: A Template for the Hack Sports Columnist on Deadline

“This is the Craziest Season Ever” by [your name] If you’ve been thinking the [year] season in the [league or conference] has been wild and wacky, you’re not ... Continue Reading →
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Slideshow: Attractive Women Sort of Related to Sports in Order to Get Pageviews

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VIDEO: The Most Amazing Soccer Ball Footwork in History

Nothing a good cleat to the balls won’t fix. (Possible English saying.) Continue Reading →