VIDEO: ESPN’s Tommy Smyth Says Soccer Player Doesn’t Have Any “Jizz” In Him

Did he deplete supplies of his own jizz or is he supposed to have someone else’s jizz in him? Important questions. Continue Reading →

VIDEO: Awesome Little Kid Prefers Pro Wrestling Figurines to World Cup Soccer

It’s real to him, dammit. Continue Reading →

If Other U.S. Pro Athletes Played Soccer … the U.S. Team Would be Horrible

Goalie LeBron James Continue Reading →
Sara Carbonero and Iker Casillas Present Their Newborn Child in Madrid - January 8, 2014

The Worst Cleavage Pics of Hot World Cup WAGs

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England to Invent New Sport That No One Else Plays in Quest for Sporting Success

English sports officials are set to meet tomorrow morning in London to discuss the creation of a new sport that would give the country a shot at success.  Continue Reading →

PICTURE: Dutch Get Past Pussies at World Cup

Crocodile Dundee is not going to like the Aussies being called pussies. That headline writer can expect a visit from a large knife. Continue Reading →

VIDEO: World Cup Ref Gets Snubbed by Handshake, Tries to Play It Off

He should have hit that guy with a yellow card for rudeness. Continue Reading →

Flowchart: Which U.S. Soccer Player Are You?

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Sen. John McCain Pushes for U.S. Troop Presence in Brazil During World Cup

U.S. senator John McCain pushed for a military presence of “no less than 20,000 troops” in Brazil for the remainder of the World Cup to “help the U.S. soccer team ... Continue Reading →

Jurgen Klinsmann Finalizes List of Comedians for “The Roast of the US Soccer Team”

U.S Men’s National Team head coach Jurgen Klinsmann says he has finished booking all the comedians who will roast his team on the night before their first match of the World Cup. Continue Reading →

“Game of Thrones” and Its World Cup Equivalents

Jaime Lannister = soccer players Continue Reading →

VIDEO: Landon Donovan is Taking His World Cup Omission in Stride

Bonus points for the fountain photo on the laptop.  Continue Reading →

Brazil Manager Luiz Felipe Scolari Bans Three-Ways on the Bench

Some World Cup team managers have banned their players from having sex during the World Cup and Brazil’s Luiz Felipe Scolari surprisingly joined that group today, announcing his ... Continue Reading →

World Cup Preview: Brought to You by Google AutoFill

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USMNT’s New “One Nation One Team” Slogans

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World Cup Cancelled After Kevin Says Soccer is “Dumb”

The 2014 FIFA World Cup was cancelled today after organizers learned that Kevin said the sport of soccer is “dumb.” Continue Reading →

10 Soccer Terms Every American Sports Fan Must Know to Understand the World Cup

football noun The sport we call “soccer” in the United States is referred to as “football” in the rest of the world on account of the players in the sport kicking ... Continue Reading →

VIDEO: Flopping Comes to Soccer Coaching Thanks to This Amateur German Coach

That’s just great soccer coaching. Flop as a I say, AND flop as I do. Continue Reading →