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VIDEO: Argentina Coach Alejandro Sabella Nearly Falls Over

That could have gotten … Messi. Continue Reading →
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Americans Slowly Getting Used to Using Their Hands Again as World Cup Fever Wanes

Life across the United States is slowly getting back to normal as the excitement of the U.S. soccer team’s World Cup stay begins to subside. Just passing observance of cities ... Continue Reading →
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10 World Cup-Inspired Slogans the MLS Should Try

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Flowchart: Who Should You Root for Now in the World Cup?

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Triumphant Jurgen Klinsmann Rips Critics: “I told you idiots we weren’t good enough”

U.S. Men’s National Team head coach Jurgen Klinsmann took heavy criticism from the American media in the lead up to the World Cup after saying his team wasn’t good enough ... Continue Reading →
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B-E-L-G-I-U-M Acrostic for All the Ways Belgium is Dumb

B-Belgian fries Continue Reading →
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The 8 Hottest Heads of State of Nations Still Left in the World Cup

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PICTURE: Guy Gets Tim Howard Haircut

If Tim Howard grows out his beard a little more, we all will have Tim Howard’s face in our hair. Continue Reading →
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10 Reasons Soccer is Un-American

1. George Washington never played soccer. In fact, none of our Founding Fathers played soccer.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Guy Celebrates U.S. Advancing At World Cup by Casually Grabbing Girl’s Boob

Americans are still more used to sports in which you can use your hands.  Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Guy’s Work Manager Really Doesn’t Want Anyone to Ruin USA-Germany Match for Him

Whoever tells this guy that it’s possible to watch sports online will no doubt receive a raise. Continue Reading →
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10 Keys to the U.S. Beating Germany

1. Take a lead and then don’t blow it with, like, 8 seconds left in the match like a bunch of stupid idiots. Continue Reading →
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World Cup Pickup Lines

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FIFA Officials Discover Dozens of Gnawed-Off Body Parts in Luis Suarez’s Locker

FIFA officials looking into Luis Suarez’s latest biting incident in Uruguay’s final World Cup group match against Italy on Tuesday quickly uncovered “dozens” ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: English Soccer Fans Arrived in Brazil After World Cup Elimination

Don’t feel bad for them. As English sports fans, they no doubt expected this to happen. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: ESPN’s Tommy Smyth Says Soccer Player Doesn’t Have Any “Jizz” In Him

Did he deplete supplies of his own jizz or is he supposed to have someone else’s jizz in him? Important questions. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Awesome Little Kid Prefers Pro Wrestling Figurines to World Cup Soccer

It’s real to him, dammit. Continue Reading →
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If Other U.S. Pro Athletes Played Soccer … the U.S. Team Would be Horrible

Goalie LeBron James Continue Reading →