eagleClintDemp

10 Reasons Soccer is Un-American

1. George Washington never played soccer. In fact, none of our Founding Fathers played soccer.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Guy Celebrates U.S. Advancing At World Cup by Casually Grabbing Girl’s Boob

Americans are still more used to sports in which you can use your hands.  Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Guy’s Work Manager Really Doesn’t Want Anyone to Ruin USA-Germany Match for Him

Whoever tells this guy that it’s possible to watch sports online will no doubt receive a raise. Continue Reading →
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10 Keys to the U.S. Beating Germany

1. Take a lead and then don’t blow it with, like, 8 seconds left in the match like a bunch of stupid idiots. Continue Reading →
DempseyHands

World Cup Pickup Lines

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FIFA Officials Discover Dozens of Gnawed-Off Body Parts in Luis Suarez’s Locker

FIFA officials looking into Luis Suarez’s latest biting incident in Uruguay’s final World Cup group match against Italy on Tuesday quickly uncovered “dozens” ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: English Soccer Fans Arrived in Brazil After World Cup Elimination

Don’t feel bad for them. As English sports fans, they no doubt expected this to happen. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: ESPN’s Tommy Smyth Says Soccer Player Doesn’t Have Any “Jizz” In Him

Did he deplete supplies of his own jizz or is he supposed to have someone else’s jizz in him? Important questions. Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Awesome Little Kid Prefers Pro Wrestling Figurines to World Cup Soccer

It’s real to him, dammit. Continue Reading →
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If Other U.S. Pro Athletes Played Soccer … the U.S. Team Would be Horrible

Goalie LeBron James Continue Reading →
Sara Carbonero and Iker Casillas Present Their Newborn Child in Madrid - January 8, 2014

The Worst Cleavage Pics of Hot World Cup WAGs

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England to Invent New Sport That No One Else Plays in Quest for Sporting Success

English sports officials are set to meet tomorrow morning in London to discuss the creation of a new sport that would give the country a shot at success.  Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Dutch Get Past Pussies at World Cup

Crocodile Dundee is not going to like the Aussies being called pussies. That headline writer can expect a visit from a large knife. Continue Reading →