Filed Under » short plays

Tom Brady says Randy Moss is responsible. Hard-working. He has vouched for him in the press.

And Brady shows he means what he says by letting his star wide receiver babysit his newborn son.

Scene:A Barnes and Noble store in Manhattan. Tim Donaghy sits behind a folding table signing copies of his NBA expose, "Personal Foul." A dozen or so customers stand in line waiting to have their books signed.

Reporter:Troy! Troy! Tell me about your knee. The Steelers defense is suffering without you. When can you get back on the field?

Polamalu: Well, I owe my great hair to Head & Shoulders. It's for more than just dandruff.

Reporter: Uh, right. No, I want to know about your knee. When will it be 100-percent and when can the Steelers count on you again?

Polamalu: Head & Shoulders does seven great things for my scalp and hair.

Reporter: Didn't ask about your hair, Troy.

Polamalu: You asked with your eyes, Trent. You asked with your eyes.

Reporter: The f—k I did! Look, I'm serious, guy … when are you going to be out on the field again? The Steelers just lost to the Chiefs, Troy. The goddam CHIEFS! Your defense let Matt Cassel drive the ball 91 yards in the fourth quarter to tie the game. Matt Cassel! Ninety-one yards! And, then, in overtime, on 3rd-and-5, Chris Chambers goes right through the defense for 61 yards. Chris Chambers, Troy! Chris f—king Chambers! That guy SUCKS! So I ask one more time … when … in the hell … is your knee going to be ready? And don't say one word about your motherf—kingHAIR.

Polamalu: Two to three weeks.

Reporter: Thank you. And you do have nice hair, by the way.

Polamalu: Thanks.

Scene: The office of Notre Dame director of athletics Jack Swarbrick. There is a knock at the door.

- – - –

Swarbrick: Yes. Come in.

(Charlie Weis enters.)

Swarbrick: Come on in. Take a seat.

(Weis sits down.)

Swarbrick: Well, Charlie, I think you know why you're here.

Weis: I do.

Swarbrick: 6-5. It's just not good enough at Notre Dame.

Weis: No, it is not.

Swarbrick: But … I'm willing to hear you out on why you should keep your job. You have helped the program in some ways. Recruiting, for example. Jimmy Clausen has developed nicely. So, let me hear your pitch. Why should you keep your job?

Weis: I've got nothing.

Swarbrick: Okay, then. Well, I guess you're fired.

Weis: I can't argue with that. I'll see myself out.

(Weis gets up to leave.)

Weis: Oh! One quick thing.

Swarbrick: You thought of a reason?

Weis: Ha! No. Where can I get that $15 million severance check?

Swarbrick: At the front desk on your way out.

Weis: Sweet. Also, even though I'm going to have all that money, as you've probably heard, I'm going to try to get back into the NFL as a coordinator. Any chance you can write me a letter of recommendation?

Swarbrick: Sure, why not. What should I write in it?

Weis: Umm …I've got nothing.

Swarbrick: Okay, then. Have a good day.

Weis: You, too.

End scene.