Picture The World's Worst Sports Website
Can't be worse than his time with the Cavaliers and Celtics.
Shaq could also beat Aaron Carter at music.
Shaq is too tall for good lighting.
According to an email exchange made public thanks to an ongoing lawsuit accusing O'Neal of crimes against humanity for his 1993 rap album, Shaq Diesel, the original unoriginal Superman was more than ready to make his comeback once the right opportunity presented itself.
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Agent: Just spoke to Eminem's people. They want you in his next video. He's out of town doing promotional stuff right now, but he's even expressed interest in you doing a verse on his upcoming album. What do you say? I reached out to Sisqo's camp too, but they still haven't gotten back to me.
Shaq: Eminem aint dat sikk whts sisqos last name
Agent: Yeah, this white rapper thing is probably just a fad. I'm not entirely sure if Sisqo even has a last name. I think it's part of his mystique. Do you know Lil' Bow Wow? I hear he's getting ready to star in a film about playing in the NBA. Sounds right up your alley. The kid from Jerry McGuire is also supposedly attached. Have you ever dealt with him? Is he cool?
Shaq: Like mike is d nowitzki's movie and I kno im rght eminem iz wack def a 1 ht wnder I shld b da one rappng
His ears should be drug-tested.
Picture Shaq's Tiny Girlfriend
She's even little for Little Penny.
"The fking in 'How My Ass Tastes' is horribly contrived," famed film critic Roger Ebert wrote on his blog today. "Who knew it was possible, but Shaq is worse at something than delivering a line of dialogue. And that's delivering a thrust."
The 'New York Times' gave the sex tape an even harsher review:
"No one cares much about a plot in a sex tape. But I haven't watched anything this empty and pointless since I saw the first four minutes of 'Kazaam' before walking out."
The Shaq tape reportedly dates back to 2008 and shows O'Neal with two women. The footage was captured on a security camera.
"If there's one redeeming quality, it's that the grainy, security camera footage somewhat masks Shaq's lumpy, sweaty, wheezing body," wrote Ebert. "It's all that kept me from vomiting on my television."
It's like his free throws on the silver screen.
"This has not been an easy process", said the 18-year veteran, who was joined at his side by his wife, children, and three bowls of mashed potatoes. "But after discussing my future over several helpings of pasta, chicken, and french fries courtesy of Bob's House of Ribs, it's become clear that I've spent too much time focusing on basketball and not enough time with the family-style restaurants I love."
Added O'Neal: "Can someone pass the fries down here?"
Picture Shaq Balance Beam
I think they're scaring their neighbors.