Filed Under » Sergio Garcia

Sergio Garcia has reportedly been calling around to his fellow PGA Tour pros today, asking if anyone knows any good slurs about people from Fiji, the tiny island republic in the South Pacific Ocean from which Vijay Singh hails.

"His skin is blacker than Tiger's so I was hoping I could go with a killer fried chicken dig, but it turns out he's not really black or something?" said Garcia. "I don't know. These minorities are so confusing. They don't like being lumped all together even though we white people see them all the same."

Garcia said he spent a few minutes reading about Fiji on Wikipedia, but found the site lacking in good slurs.

"There was all kind of history about Dutch explorers and who knows what else," he said. "Like I care. I specifically don't care about his people, that's why I want to say a slur to him. I just want one word or phrase I can use to really let Vijay have it if he ever pulls a club out of his bag while I'm thinking about hitting my shot. It shouldn't be this hard."

Sergio Garcia fell out of contention at The Players Championship on Sunday on hole No. 17 when he hit two shots into the water. He then hit his drive on No. 18 into the same lake.

"I felt it was unprofessional for the lake to be there," said Garcia. "That water could be anywhere. Water covers two-thirds of this planet, yet it had to be there on the final two holes of a tournament I'm playing in? Come on. It's not the nicest lake on the earth."

Garcia was especially miffed because the lake didn't swallow any of Tiger Woods' shots.

"I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but it does seem like there is preferential treatment on Tour for Tiger," said Garcia. "He hits shots and they just happen to land on the green. But I hit shots and there is a big tree trunk in the path of my ball or a bunker or some water. I mean, at the very least it's suspicious."