That huge mouth is good for many things.
Drunk broadcasting is entertaining for all.
"Matt was our big offseason acquisition," said Carroll, of the former Green Bay backup Seattle signed to a three-year, $19.5 million contract in March. "Russell Wilson did a heck of a job getting us this far, but we're two wins from the Super Bowl now and it's time for Matt to step up and deliver. This is why we paid him the big bucks. I think it's time to unleash him and let one of the game's greats work his magic for us."
Wilson said he was disappointed by the move but understood it.
"I knew this was Matt's team when they picked me in the draft. I knew my role. I knew I was the backup," said Wilson. "You don't give someone that kind of money and then just hand the job over to some short 3rd rounder you drafted. This was just a temporary thing until Matt was ready to go. I am happy with how I played, though, and I hope I opened up some eyes around the league. Who knows, maybe one day I'll get to be a full-time starter somewhere."
There's no shame in that, Hauschka. At least you didn't film and upload a video sideways like an idiot.
He'll be okay. Tiny people have tiny nerves.
"How are parents supposed to look at their kids and say that there is justice and goodness in the world?" said Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers, whose team lost on a last-second pass by the Seattle Seahawks that appeared to be intercepted by Packers safety M.D. Jennings in the end zone. "There was hope. Hope for humanity. Hope for the world. But then they said Golden Tate caught a pass he really didn't."
The call pushed the Packers to 1-2, one game back in the NFC North division with only 13 games to play. Most schools and many business across the country have closed for the week to give families time to heal together and talk through what happened.
President Obama spoke to the nation from the Oval Office minutes after the game ended and urged calm.
"At times like these there are no answers," he said. "We can only rely on our faith and our sense of community and hope they can pull us through."
The president said he has already received countless calls from global leaders offering condolences and support.
"Today we are all Americans," said British prime minister David Cameron. "The refs really messed up the end of that game. It's outrageous."
"Sure, everyone has heard the talk about Terrell. Everyone knows the stigma," said Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll. "But there is the stick and the carrot, and I believe we have offered a very attractive carrot."
In addition to the $1 million guaranteed base salary, Owens is due a $1,200 bonus payable in 12, $100 monthly payments if he manages to not be the sole reason the Seahawks have a terrible season.
"Will T.O. want to be an asshole and divide the locker room the first time a pass doesn't hit him in the hands?" said Carroll. "Sure, that comes naturally to him. Ahh, but now that there is $1,200 on the line? He'll have to think twice."
The Seahawks have a similar arrangement with running back Marshawn Lynch, paying him a $20 bonus each day he doesn't commit a crime.
"So far that has been really successful with Marshawn, as most days he hasn't committed crimes," said Carroll. "Usually we're paying him an extra 80 or 100 bucks a week which he primarily puts towards bail money."
She could put that entire mug in there. So hot. (The mug.)
Kids: eat a ton of sugary candy if you want to be a professional athlete.
Lewis prays it doesn't affect his dancing.