Joe Flacco's "World's Best" Pizza

Recipe

1. Get an average pizza delivered.

2. Serve.

3. Tell everyone it's the best pizza.

4. Hope they believe it.

5. Ask everyone to pay more than the pizza is worth.

Ray Rice's Delicious Production Pizza

Recipe

1. Take Joe Flacco's plain pizza out of the trash.

2. Add delicious toppings to it.

3. Re-serve.

4. Listen to people talk about how Joe Flacco is an ELITE chef.

Chris Culliver's Quiche

Recipe

1. Don't make a quiche because that's totally gay.

2. Apologize if anyone says you shouldn't say "totally gay."

3. Still don't make a quiche because it's totally gay.

4. Eat a hot dog. That's manly and doesn't look gay at all.

Ray Lewis' Venison Steaks

Recipe

1. Get some venison steaks.

2. Refuse to tell anyone why you had venison steaks so readily available and say they are a messenger of Satan if they keep asking.

3. Tenderize the meat by dancing on it.

4. Marinate the meat in a bowl of fake tears.

5. Cook the meat under the intense heat of TV lights.

6. Serve (the food. But also in the "you got served" dancing meaning of the word.)

7. Deliver a motivational speech about eating while your guests roll their eyes.

8. Force everyone to listen to your prayer before they eat.

9. Overstay your welcome at your guests' table.

Randy Moss' Greatest Ever Chili

Recipe

1. Combine corn, black beans, tomatoes, chili powder, garlic … wait. You know what? This seems like a lot of work. Never mind. Don't do anything. Just heat up a can of microwave chili and serve that. Everyone knows you could have made a great batch of chili if you felt like it. But you only make chili when you want to make chili. And today isn't that day.

Terrell Suggs' Diet Delight

Recipe

1. Get a plate and fill it with cake and ice cream.

2. Look at Terrell Suggs' face.

3. Realize you've suddenly lost your appetite.