"We're a team. Obviously someone has to do it," said Vogelsong. "But, sure, I wish it wasn't me. In the high-pressure situation of a Game 7, nerves are on edge. I don't know if I can pretend to think he's funny. If we go down a run and he starts tapping on the top of my hat, I could snap and bludgeon him with a bat."
Vogelsong has sought out advice from other teammates who have had the misfortune of sitting next to Wilson.
"Probably the main thing is to pretend you are somewhere else and just completely block out his presence and existence," said Matt Cain. "Beyond that, I would suggest every minute or so saying something about how beards are really funny. Once an inning when I had him I would mumble in a monotone: 'Brian, your beard is super hilarious and your eccentric antics delight me and the entire nation. Please don't stop.' That usually kept him content enough that he didn't try to do anything extra to really get attention."
He seems too close to Buster Posey to call a fair game.
Perfect gaming the Astros is just mean.
He seems to have forgotten that PEDs are an important part of cycling, too.
They probably don't caption their Lebron photos: "Bald guy, headband."
The horses who smoke weed are more into Tim Lincecum.
"Yes, the beard," said Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval. "I noticed there was hair growing out of his face. He still seems really proud of it."
Giants pitcher Ryan Vogelsong corroborated that report.
"It is thick and darkly colored," said the starter. "I don't know where he comes up with it. Well, no. I guess I do. He just doesn't shave. Man. Hilarious. Hilarious with the not shaving. What a character!"
Giants pitchers and catchers reported to training camp last weekend and Wilson immediately established his authority in the locker room.
"Whoa. Brohims. Hear this now, remember it always. The area you see before you is designated solely for the beard, El Bearderino, the Beard Dog," he said, drawing an imaginary circle around his locker. "None shall cross it lest they find themselves in a world of black ops pain."
"Next, some rules on how you and yours shall approach me for autographing your valuables," Wilson continued talking, despite all of his teammates filing out of the locker room to the field to begin stretching.
Apparently Dodgers and Padres fans forgot to vote.
"He was actually the 5th most Googled person in the world in 2011, but 99.4 percent of the 24.4 million searches were by Brian himself, so we disqualified him from the overall rankings," said Google spokesman Jeff Brunswick.
In addition to Googling "Brian Wilson", Wilson frequently searched for "Brian Wilson is so cool", "Brian Wilson is hilarious", "Brian Wilson + beard + funniest thing ever". However, those searches usually came back with no results.
Wilson says winning the title of most-Googled by himself for 2011 proves just how awesome and hilarious he is.
"It's like black ops, dude," he said, pointing to his beard and then making a weird expression with his face. After that was met with 20 to 30 seconds of silence by everyone in the room, he said "I have a large beard!" before walking out, getting hit with a thrown tomato on the way.