Let's hope Gay has health insurance.
"All my life I have been bullied for the perceived feminine qualities of my first name, and it has only gotten worse since I started playing professional basketball," said Gay during a small press conference this morning. "I am here today to announce that I will no longer tolerate it."
Gay stated in the press conference that throughout his career he'd been called names like Trudy, Judy, Rhubarb and Rudy Tooty Fresh 'N' Fruity by teammates both to his face and behind his back.
Gay said that the ridicule is particularly merciless when he under-performs and teammates call him Moody Rudy, making snide insinuations that he is menstruating and that that is the cause of his poor performance. He also said that teammates will avoid coming near him in the shower or on the bus for fear of catching "Rudy Cooties."
"Honestly, Rudy isn't even a very effeminate name. I don't know any girl Rudys, except for Rudy Huxtable, I guess, and she's not a real person," said Gay. "What about players with names like NenÃª or Emeka or Shannon? No one's hatin' on them."
This guy needs to be hired as a color commentator.
On the heels of the news that Lebron James would be switching numbers beginning next season, Memphis Grizzlies forward Rudy Gay has filed the requisite paperwork to change the name on the back of his jersey. As is the case with James's decision, the move is widely speculated to be a marketing ploy.
Despite a high-profile college career at UConn and a productive four-year NBA career, Gay ranked second-to-last in jersey sales last year, with only three being sold: one to a gay Grizzlies fan, one to a Memphis college student who was drunk, and one to Grizzlies equipment manger Scott Fiore who misplaced Gay's real jersey before a game last year against the Sixers.
"It was really embarrassing for me to have to do that," said Fiore. "Not losing his real jersey. That happens from time to time. But going up to our team store and actually purchasing it. I said I wanted a number 22 jersey, just trying to get in and get out without getting noticed. But the sales lady was all like: 'You mean a GAY jersey? Really? A jersey with GAY on it? That's what you want? A GAY one. You want a GAY jersey, is that correct, sir? GAY?' Really loud so everyone could hear."
The NBA league office confirmed that Gay, whose jersey sales rank behind only Warriors reserve swingman Demarcus Longtaint, would be making a switch, but refused to disclose what the new name would be. A source within the Grizzlies organization stated on the condition of anonymity that Gay was deciding between "Pussyslayer", "Thundercock", and the Chinese character for virility.
Gay will unveil his new jersey name at a press conference this Friday, to be held at the Platinum Rose gentlemen's club in downtown Memphis.