Picture Roger Goodell Has Found Love
His hate-filled heart has been suspended.
Montana: The Smartest State.
Picture Roger Goodell is a Popular Man
All of the friends he had, he fined.
"I got started with Pryor, then moved on to Plaxico Burress, Cedric Benson and all the other criminals tarnishing the shield. I quickly realized that if you looked hard enough, you could suspend every player in the NFL for something," Goodell said, smiling from ear to ear.
Goodell denied that this was simply a ploy to re-instate the NFL lockout, which lasted 144 days but failed to cost the league any regular season games. When pressed on the sheer volume of suspensions, Goodell turned the proceedings over to Raiders owner Al Davis, who detailed the reasons for each player's suspension via an overhead projector.
"Ben Roethlisberger: tarnishing the shield. Drew Brees: varnishing the shield. Albert Haynesworth: garnishing his meal."
So now we have exactly one thing that West Virginia and Hawaii have in common.
He probably thinks it's funny this guy can't get into his apartment, the jerk.
I wish I could hug every one of those fat, sweaty, drunk fans. (via MockSession)
His Twitter, @ChrisWarcraft, has been named the new director of the NFLPA.
The NFLPA knows he'll be easier to negotiate with when he has skin cancer. (via Deadspin)