News Power-Mad Roger Goodell Suspends the Entire NFL Until Week 5
"I got started with Pryor, then moved on to Plaxico Burress, Cedric Benson and all the other criminals tarnishing the shield. I quickly realized that if you looked hard enough, you could suspend every player in the NFL for something," Goodell said, smiling from ear to ear.
Goodell denied that this was simply a ploy to re-instate the NFL lockout, which lasted 144 days but failed to cost the league any regular season games. When pressed on the sheer volume of suspensions, Goodell turned the proceedings over to Raiders owner Al Davis, who detailed the reasons for each player's suspension via an overhead projector.
"Ben Roethlisberger: tarnishing the shield. Drew Brees: varnishing the shield. Albert Haynesworth: garnishing his meal."
Picture West Virginia: The Smartest State?
So now we have exactly one thing that West Virginia and Hawaii have in common.
Picture BREAKING: Roger Goodell Might Actually Have a Sense of Humor
He probably thinks it's funny this guy can't get into his apartment, the jerk.
Video Football Fans Are The Best Fans: Roger Goodell Booed
I wish I could hug every one of those fat, sweaty, drunk fans. (via MockSession)
Picture Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe Not a Fan of Roger Goodell's Letter
His Twitter, @ChrisWarcraft, has been named the new director of the NFLPA.
Picture Roger Goodell Spending Lockout At A Discount Tanning Salon
The NFLPA knows he'll be easier to negotiate with when he has skin cancer. (via Deadspin)
