VIDEO: Roger Goodell “Runs” 40, Unfortunately Doesn’t Get Clotheslined by NFL Employee

Every NFL employee who failed to clothesline Goodell when he reached full “speed” has let down America. Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Wears “No Indictments” Shirt to Show Solidarity with Authority

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wore a t-shirt with the words “No Indictments” on it to work today to exhibit his unity with authority figures and law enforcement. Continue Reading →

Pope Francis Announces U.S. Visit to Meet with “American moral authority” Roger Goodell

Pope Francis confirmed today that he will make his first papal visit to the United States next year, primarily to meet with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and consult with him on ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Suspends Roger Goodell for Two Weeks, But Wins Appeal Hearing with Roger Goodell

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that he suspended himself for two weeks in light of his recent poor performance as commissioner that has “tarnished the NFL shield.” ... Continue Reading →

PICTURE: ESPN’s Sidney Rice Tweet Won the Roger Goodell Press Conference

I do whatever TV words tell me to do. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell’s Schedule for the Day

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NFL Asks Peyton Manning to Keep Hidden for a Few Months Whatever Horrible Crimes He’s Doing

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell sent a letter to Peyton Manning today, asking the Broncos quarterback to do “whatever is in your power to continue covering up various crimes you ... Continue Reading →

Embattled Roger Goodell Issues Statement: “Hey, look over there!”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, facing pressure from numerous organizations and high-profile media members in the wake of his handling of the Ray Rice case, issued a statement this ... Continue Reading →

NFL Announces New “Domestic Violence Awareness” Jerseys with 8% of Profits Going to Charity

Due to increased pressure from fans and media over the Ray Rice case, commissioner Roger Goodell announced this morning in a hastily arranged press conference that the league will begin ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Apologizes for All the Glitches in This Year’s NFL

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell apologized today for the many glitches being uncovered in the latest edition of the NFL. From repeated stoppages in play due to penalties to player and ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Fines Ray Rice’s Wife $500,000 for Her Role in Getting Knocked Out

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, facing criticism he did not punish Ray Rice enough for knocking out his then-fiancee and dragging her unconscious body into a casino hotel lobby, expanded ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell’s Wife Too Scared to Tell Him She Thinks He Went Easy on Ray Rice

Jane Skinner, the former FOX News host and current wife of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, has told friends she is angry over the two-game suspension her husband handed down to Ravens ... Continue Reading →

Visibly Uncomfortable Roger Goodell Announces Chronic Hemorrhoids Awareness Month

Roger Goodell held a hastily arranged press conference this morning at NFL headquarters in Manhattan, announcing that the NFL will hold Chronic Hemorrhoids Awareness Month in November. “I ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Touts Fact That NFL Hasn’t Had a Significant Head Injury in More Than a Week

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell boasted to reporters today that not a single NFL player has sustained brain trauma in nearly a week and a half. "To those who say that the NFL ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Accepts Invitation to Speak at a New Orleans Dark Alley “That is totally not a trap”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was scheduled to speak today at a dark alley near the intersection of Bourbon Street and St. Ann Street in New Orleans' famed French Quarter. "I'm ... Continue Reading →

Saints Fan Achieves Pinnacle of Saints Fandom: Televised Roger Goodell Hating

Love of football and hatred of Roger Goodell unites all fan bases. Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Looking to Overhaul Playoffs with Best-of-Seven Series

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell took another shot at adding games to the NFL schedule today, proposing best-of-seven series in each playoff round. Goodell hopes his plan will going ... Continue Reading →

Roger Goodell Sux Jersey

There’s no reason this should be the best-selling jersey in America. Continue Reading →