Filed Under » Roger Goodell

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell boasted to reporters today that not a single NFL player has sustained brain trauma in nearly a week and a half.

"To those who say that the NFL doesn't care about this issue, you couldn't be farther from the truth," the commissioner said. "I follow this very closely and I am pleased that my initiatives to make the game safer are making a noticeable difference."

Goodell's statement was met with stunned silence by reporters, until one finally piped up: "Umm … you know, I don't want to be that guy, but wouldn't you say the sole reason there hasn't been any concussions lately is because there haven't been any games since the Super Bowl."

The commissioner waved off that assertion.

"I demanded that the NFL become safer, as did the public," said Goodell. "Now we have undeniable proof of progress and you want to nitpick and dissect facts and spin them to fit your narrative. But I operate in a fact-based reality. And that reality says that NFL players have been safer than ever over the past week or so."

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was scheduled to speak today at a dark alley near the intersection of Bourbon Street and St. Ann Street in New Orleans' famed French Quarter.

"I'm really excited," said Goodell before leaving. "I haven't exactly had the warmest welcome here in New Orleans due to all of the fallout from the bounty stuff, so I'm glad to see that maybe Saints fans are moving past it."

Goodell received a note, written ransom note style, under his hotel door this morning. It read:

Commissioner Goodell –
You are invited to speak at an alley near Bourbon and St. Ann Streets on Thursday at 12 noon SHARP. Come alone.
This is totally not a trap or anything.
Signed, Really nice and safe people who wish you no harm

"It seemed nice and welcoming to me," the commissioner said of the note. "Most of the packages outside my door this week have been ticking or have powder all over them. I was happy to get one that wasn't dangerous."

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell took another shot at adding games to the NFL schedule today, proposing best-of-seven series in each playoff round. Goodell hopes his plan will going into effect in less than three weeks when the 2012-2013 playoffs begin.

Promising that the change was not about revenue, but mainly about ensuring America's favorite sport remained dominant throughout the entire year, Goodell stated that all games would follow the same best-of-seven elimination processes seen in hockey, baseball, and basketball.

"Look," stated Goodell, "all the other leagues do it. It's high time we followed suit or be left in the dust."

Reaction to the idea was mixed.

"Man, this is about the worst idea ever," said Peyton Manning, playing this year after missing all of 2011 to injury. "Football's brutal enough with 16 games in a season, let alone extra playoff games. The league really wants to tell us that they care about player safety when they pull this crap?"

"That would be utter hell," said Packers head coach Mike McCarthy. "Half my team's already on IR – what do I do when the rest of 'em go down? Sign a bunch of free agents? Call up the local high school and see if any of their players are 18? Just walk up to random people and ask them if they've ever played football?"

Goodell rebuffed the concerns.