Filed Under » Rex Ryan

New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan unveiled another dubious prediction today, proclaiming at his weekly press conference that “I probably, most likely, won’t get shitcanned before the end of the regular season. You might laugh, but I’m confident in myself and this team.”

Before the season started, Ryan predicted his team would win the Super Bowl – as he does all the time. But with the Jets sitting at 2-3 thanks to three consecutive losses, a bad quarterback and a mediocre defense, it seems more likely the Jets will finish 5-11 or 6-10 than win a championship.

“There’s a school of thought — a growing school of thought — that I’m a stupid, loud-mouthed buffoon who just talks a lot and has no ability to evaluate an entire football team or address, or even see, its failings, and that I was able to fool people for a few years with bravado, but now those days are over and I have been exposed as someone who is in over his head,” said Ryan. “And there’s only one thing I can say about that … THE JETS ARE GOING TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL!”

According to several sources and also people just playing the odds, outspoken New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan is about to say something. And while no one can be 100-percent sure as to just what is going to come out of his mouth, all indications point to it being incredibly stupid.

The source cites the fact that Ryan has contracted his cartoonishly large stomach and filled his lungs with enough breath to conceivably pass through his vocal chords, an evolutionary process generally befitting a human being who is about to form sounds, as evidence that Rex Ryan is about to say something. As to why it’s assumed the content of his speech will be asinine in nature, the source referenced the fact Rex Ryan is a f—king idiot who says stupid things literally all the time.

Speculation has already begun over what exactly Ryan is going to say. According to an ESPN.com InstaPoll, 20-percent of those questioned feel he’ll make a baseless prediction regarding the Jets’ success in the upcoming season, with 35-percent predicting he’ll continue his long-standing tradition of launching into an expletive-laden tirade about something no one even asked him about. The remaining 45-percent assume he’ll insult an opponent who has enjoyed infinitely more success than Ryan has up to this point in their respective NFL career.