January 22, 2013

News Brothers Rex and Rob Ryan to Go Head-to-Head in Tecmo Bowl

Brothers Rex and Rob Ryan to Go HeadtoHead in Tecmo Bowl - Image 1
As football fans prepare for the "HarBowl" or "Superbaugh" — depending on which nickname you prefer for the Jim Harbaugh vs. John Harbaugh Super Bowl — two other coaching brothers have a match-up of their own in the works.

"Yeah, me and that fat shitstain of a twin brother of mine, Rob, are going to hang out this weekend," said New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan. "We'll probably shoot some pool, go to Hooters and maybe fire up the ol' Nintendo."

Rex Ryan says he had a Nintendo at his "bitchin' pad" back when he was defensive coordinator at Morehead State from 1990 to 1993.

"Late 20s, one bedroom apartment in Morehead, Kentucky, cable TV with the nudie channels, a Nintendo," he said. "Yeah, I was living the life. My dickhead brother was at Tennessee State then and he'd pop over on free weekends and we'd go all out on Tecmo Bowl from morning to night."

Rob Ryan says the Harbaugh brothers are getting all the coaching attention right now, but he knows the Ryans are the best.

"You want to know how I knew I was the best defensive mind in the game?" asked the unemployed Rob Ryan, sitting shirtless on his brother's couch. "I beat Rex one day and he had Bo Jackson and the Raiders."

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December 30, 2012

News Rex Ryan Names Tim Tebow Offseason Starter at Quarterback

Rex Ryan Names Tim Tebow Offseason Starter at Quarterback - Image 1
After another horrific start by Mark Sanchez closed out the New York Jets' season at 6-10, Rex Ryan announced in his post-game press conference that second-string quarterback Tim Tebow will be the new No. 1.

"I think I've seen all I need to see from Mark after this week," said Ryan. "He might not be the answer at quarterback. It's time to maybe give Tim a shot to start."

Ryan said he informed Tebow on the sidelines as the final seconds ticked away on the Jets' season that he would be promoted to starter.

Tebow reportedly responded by saying, "You really make me want to say curse words."

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Filed Under   NFL   Tim Tebow   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
August 26, 2012

Picture Rex Ryan is Amused by the Terrible Direction of His Offense

If he couldn't laugh, he'd kill himself.

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
August 10, 2012

Picture Rex Ryan Wears Classy T-Shirts

Maybe he'd be a better softball coach.

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
May 16, 2012

Video Goddam Reason for Rex Ryan's Weight Loss

Goddam snacks have more calories than regular snacks.

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Filed Under   NFL   media   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
March 22, 2012

Video Rex Ryan Gets Tebowed for the First Time

Well, second time if you count when Tebow hilariously beat the Jets.

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Filed Under   NFL   Tim Tebow   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
November 17, 2011

Picture Alaska is Mark Sanchez Country

Apparently they think those with Mexican heritage look like Eskimos. RAYCESS!

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Mark Sanchez   Rex Ryan
November 14, 2011

Video Rex Ryan Mad About Being Worse Than Belichick

Whoa. Do you kiss your mom's feet with that mouth?

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Rex Ryan
October 26, 2011

Picture Rex Ryan: The Stylish Years

Damn. He probably got into a lot of ladies' shoes back then.

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Rex Ryan   Arizona Cardinals
October 11, 2011

News Rex Ryan Boldly Predicts He Won't be Fired Before the End of the Season

New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan unveiled another dubious prediction today, proclaiming at his weekly press conference that "I probably, most likely, won't get shitcanned before the end of the regular season. You might laugh, but I'm confident in myself and this team."

Before the season started, Ryan predicted his team would win the Super Bowl – as he does all the time. But with the Jets sitting at 2-3 thanks to three consecutive losses, a bad quarterback and a mediocre defense, it seems more likely the Jets will finish 5-11 or 6-10 than win a championship.

"There's a school of thought — a growing school of thought — that I'm a stupid, loud-mouthed buffoon who just talks a lot and has no ability to evaluate an entire football team or address, or even see, its failings, and that I was able to fool people for a few years with bravado, but now those days are over and I have been exposed as someone who is in over his head," said Ryan. "And there's only one thing I can say about that … THE JETS ARE GOING TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL!"

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Filed Under   NFL   New York Jets   Rex Ryan