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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing   Juan Pablo Montoya
February 28, 2012

News NASCAR to Investigate Why There Aren't Awesome Explosions on Every Lap

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NASCAR president Mike Helton promised a full and comprehensive study into the lack of "amazing, kick-ass explosions" on every lap of the circuit's races after a safety truck full of jet fuel ignited at the Daytona 500 upon being slammed into by Juan Pablo Montoya's car.

"I'm not breaking any news here that seeing a truck explode was totally f—kin' awesome," Helton said in a post-race press conference. "The question is, why is something so goddam great only happening once in our biggest race? It should be happening on every lap, every turn."

Helton said he hears the demands of NASCAR's casual fans — "They want to see shit blow up, and we're gonna give it to 'em."

NASCAR's television ratings, ticket sales and sponsorship dollars have plummeted in recent years and Helton is looking to strike quickly on the popular explosions idea.

"I'm just spitballing here, but maybe each race we have a few unmanned car drones that just explode randomly," he said. "Or maybe all of our cars run on jet fuel. Or, instead of jet fuel, our safety trucks carry around a nuclear device. Can you imagine the buzz we'd get from a mushroom cloud? We'd be on the front cover of every paper in America."

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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing
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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing   Danica Patrick
February 27, 2012

Picture Danica Patrick Definitely Needs Car Insurance

You see, she's marketable because she's mildly attractive and sometimes finishes races.

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Filed Under   media   NASCAR   racing   Danica Patrick
From Staff / February 27, 2012

Opinion 6 NASCAR Road Signs

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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing
February 13, 2012

Video Cameraman Survives Truck-Smashing

Hopefully he got some usable footage.

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Filed Under   media   misc   racing
October 31, 2011

Video Mr. Bean is Angry About a Formula One Crash

"Mr. Bean is Angry About a Formula One Crash" is the worst of his movies.

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Filed Under   racing
September 02, 2011

Video Fun Near-Death Motorcycle Race

They probably shouldn't stack tires right beside the race track.

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Filed Under   racing   motorcycle racing
August 31, 2011

Picture Danica Patrick Arm Tattoo

He also has Freddy Adu, Anna Kournikova and Michelle Wie tattoos.

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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing   Danica Patrick
August 22, 2011

Video Hair-Pulling in NASCAR

They're just preparing for Danica Patrick's arrival.

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Filed Under   NASCAR   racing