News NASCAR to Investigate Why There Aren't Awesome Explosions on Every Lap
"I'm not breaking any news here that seeing a truck explode was totally f—kin' awesome," Helton said in a post-race press conference. "The question is, why is something so goddam great only happening once in our biggest race? It should be happening on every lap, every turn."
Helton said he hears the demands of NASCAR's casual fans — "They want to see shit blow up, and we're gonna give it to 'em."
NASCAR's television ratings, ticket sales and sponsorship dollars have plummeted in recent years and Helton is looking to strike quickly on the popular explosions idea.
"I'm just spitballing here, but maybe each race we have a few unmanned car drones that just explode randomly," he said. "Or maybe all of our cars run on jet fuel. Or, instead of jet fuel, our safety trucks carry around a nuclear device. Can you imagine the buzz we'd get from a mushroom cloud? We'd be on the front cover of every paper in America."
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He also has Freddy Adu, Anna Kournikova and Michelle Wie tattoos.
