It's probably the headquarters of a hat company. They love the sales hat tricks generate.
Ahh, yes. NHL superstar Sidney "Geno" Crosby.
Is that a shirt he pulled up or his back hair?
But instead of panicking over the team's Cup dreams fading away, general manager Ray Shero has turned to Pittsburgh's Carnegie Mellon University for help in creating a goalie via the school's 3D printer.
"I'm not willing to sit still and watch this team die," said Shero. "Not after the regular season we had and all the trades we made. Marc simply hasn't done the job and our backup, Tomas Vokoun, is almost 37. He can't be expected to play every game in the playoffs. So creating a real, functioning goalie with a 3D printer was the best option."
Carnegie Mellon engineering professor Dr. Emmett Moncrief handled the job for the Penguins.
"I have actually had the designs of a prototype since last year when Fleury let in every shot against the Flyers," he said. "I knew it would be the same this year. I wasn't surprised when Mr. Shero called."
Or he may just hate Brian Engblom's hair.
America is a smart nation.
News Penguins Worried Sidney Crosby Will Struggle to Make Plays Inside New Protective Plastic Bubble
"We haven't yet found a bubble that allows him to hold his stick outside of the bubble to stickhandle the puck," said head coach Dan Bylsma. "That is usually a big aspect of Sid's game. Right now he can only push the puck along the ice with his bubble as he rolls it. He's still making plays that way in practice, but it's not quite the same thing."
The Penguins have also struggled to keeps Crosby's bubble inflated, as his razor-sharp skates have repeatedly sliced through it, leaving him in nothing but a hockey helmet, protective face shield, shoulder pads and chest protector, elbow pads, padded gloves, padded hockey pants, knee/shin guards and reinforced skates essentially unprotected.
"I don't think we can risk that happening in a game," said Bylsma. "Sure, he might be able to last a shift or two, but eventually he's going to get hurt. And hurt bad. He'll take a slap shot off the neck or 400-pound speaker from the arena ceiling will break loose, fall and land on him. It's just his luck."
He wins the Too Soon Award for Broadcasting.
It's hard to find an honest man.
"I realize I'm 47 years old and haven't played in 17 years," said Neely, who was forced to retire in 1996 due to injuries, "but Chris Chelios was still a serviceable player at this age and I'm nothing if not rested. Plus, whatever I might be lacking in speed or skill, I'll make up for it in wanting it more than anyone else."
Neely's career was cut short by a chronic injury to a hip that was initially damaged on a check by Penguins defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. But Neely says he has no hard feelings.
"Ulf isn't on the team anymore. And I simply want to win a Cup," he said. "I always was jealous of how Ray Bourque got to go to the Avalanche to win a championship. This is my shot to do that."
Shero says he is not sure he has a place for Neely.