Video Niklas Backstrom Will Not be Winning the Vezina This Year
Or probably any year. But definitely not this year.
Picture Coyotes Fan Distracting the Head Coach with Her Massive Cleavage
Melt the ice. It's time to motorboat.
Picture Arizona's One Hockey Fan is a Moron
He doesn't know any better. He probably just discovered hockey last week.
Picture America's Worst Person is a Phoenix Coyotes Fan
Hockey has given her a great outlet to share the contents of her black, empty soul.
Video Penalty Shot Misses by a Millimeter
I blame all of my athletic failings on bad ice, too.
Video Invisible Ghost Makes Great NHL Save
It must be the ghost of the Atlanta Thrashers.
July 23, 2010 Column
Tweet of the Week
Tweet of the Week
From @PaulBizNasty AKA Phoenix Coyotes LW Paul Bissonnette …
News Janet Gretzky Buys Phoenix Coyotes After Miami Covers 4-Point Spread
The Phoenix Coyotes ownership situation was up in the air. On one side, Jim Balsillie wanted to purchase the cash-strapped franchise and move it to Hamilton, Ontario. On the other, the NHL would buy the team to keep in in Phoenix. A judge was set to decide the franchise's future within the week.
But now a new buyer has come forward — Janet Jones Gretzky, wife of Coyotes head coach Wayne Gretzky, who is flush with cash after a three-team parlay last night on the Miami Hurricanes, Kansas City Royals and the Indiana Fever of the WNBA put $200 million into her bank account.
"Thank God," said Mrs. Gretzky. "If that parlay hadn't come through, we would have lost our house. Wayne would have been pissed. I put everything we had left on it. But I was confident. I know my Royals baseball."
Janet Gretzky's bid for the team will come in between the two pending offers — Balsillie's $242.5 million and the NHL's $140 million.
"I can't use all $200 million," she said. "I'd love to, but let's just say I have a lot of people I currently owe money to. I'm probably going to have to go $100 million and just have the NHL trust give a discount due to my family name."
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman says he is happy to have a buyer who won't move the team from Phoenix, but worries the team will soon be up for sale again soon.
"I don't think Janet can stay solvent for long," he said. "I remember at the 2006 Winter Olympics she bet $2 million on Team USA to win gold. Insane."
But Janet Gretzky believe she has finally hit on a guaranteed moneymaker.
"I'm sleeping with the head coach," she said. "If I tell him to make the team lose by a certain amount of goals, he'll do it. We may not win, but we're going to be the most profitable team in the NHL."
