Filed Under » Philadelphia Phillies

I am a baseball player. But if there is one thing the game has taught me, it's not a lesson about competition or sportsmanship or being a man or anything like that.

It's that you might have to fight an old person at a moment's notice.

Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS … did I go to the park that day expecting to fight Don Zimmer? Not really. But then one thing led to another and I had to throw that 72-year-old man to the ground.

Live and learn.

Now I'm ready to kick an old person's ass at any moment. And you can be, too.

FOX is broadcasting the 2009 World Series between the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies.

Here is FOX analyst Howie Long with his keys to the series.

"Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod!" shrieked Phillies second baseman Chase Utley upon learning his team would meet the Yankees this week in the World Series. "The Yankees are, like, so famous. I see them on TV all the time. I'm so nervous. Aaaaah!"

As the American League Championship Series played itself out, the Phillies to a man said they didn't have a preference what team advanced. But now that the Yankees knocked off the Angels, the team is letting their true wishes known.

Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard says he is the most nervous of anyone on the team.

"I play at first," he said. "That means every time they get on base, I'll have to make small talk with them. What do I say? What do you say to someone as famous as Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez or Nick Swisher? Is it okay if I ask for their autograph? I hope I don't throw up."

The Phillies met the Yankees for a three-game interleague series during the regular season, but they say this is different.

"I'm not going to lie, that was one of the coolest experiences of my life, seeing all those guys up close," said Phillie starter Cole Hamels. "But this is bigger. All of their stars are going to be playing every game … against us! On the same field! I'll be snapping pictures the whole time I'm on the mound. Ohmigod … what should I wear? My uniform, you think? Isn't that too casual?"

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel says he will try to do his best to put his team in position to meet their goals.

"It's my job to get these guys prepared to meet the Yankees and not look stupid," he said. "That's all we're looking for in this series. They don't want to do or say anything around someone like Derek Jeter or Robinson Cano that they'll kick themselves over forever. Also, if there's any way I could meet Joe Girardi — I mean, wow. What an honor. That guy has accomplished so much in this game. He's a personal hero."

Despite the Phillies reverence for the great Yankees, Yankee captain Derek Jeter says his team will have to play well to win.

"They are the defending champs and they have rolled through the postseason so far," said Jeter. "We need to play our best to win. They're a great team."

"Ohmigod … Derek Jeter said that about us?" said Phillies right fielder Jayson Werth. "That just seals it. He is, like, the greatest, most coolest guy ever. I'm definitely getting his autograph."

From @TommyLasorda AKA former Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda …

http://twitpic.com/m2goj- I hate the Phillie Phanatic

8:11 PM Oct 18thfromTwitPic

The celebratory feel surrounding the the Phillies' return trip to the World Series has been dampened today by reports of an ugly incident in which the Phillie Phanatic, the team's mascot, told a young fan to "phuck oph," "die in a phucking phire," and challenged the child to a "phight."

"We are investigating the alleged incident," Phillies president Dave Montgomery said in a statement, "and will not comment phurther until all the phacts are known. However, if true, I will commend the Phanatic for using a 'Ph' in all 'F' words, which supports the team's brand and makes for a phan-phriendly atmosphere."

A source within the team's phront office was willing to comment oph the record: "If it's true, this kid needs to suck it up. The Phanatic used 'Ph' words, no? People love that crap around here."

According to eyewitnesses, the Phanatic was seen taking drinks from a bottle of Phinlandia vodka that he had hidden in his costume throughout the game and became very drunk by the phiphth inning, phalling down several times.

After the phinal out of the eighth inning, the Phanatic tripped and phell into a young boy and then suddenly began berating the child.

"Phuck oph!" the Phanatic yelled. "I will phucking destroy you, you phat phaggot!"

The reactions of those closest to the incident were mixed.

"I was just excited to hear the Phanatic talk," said Doug Mexler, who sat two rows up from the child. "Me and my buddies have had a bet for years about whether or not he can talk. I won phiphty dollars. Which I hope is the same as fifty."

"It was the most ophensive thing I have ever seen," said Linda Grassley, a phriend of Mexler's. "But if it's true that the Phanatic was using the 'Ph' form of the words, well … maybe it was awesome. I'm not sure."

The Phanatic was unavailable for comment on the story and was being treated for alcohol poisoning this morning at a Philadelphia-area phree clinic.

There's not much more that can be written about these teams at this point.

So let's see what photos have to say.