Picture Trash Can Hobo at Phillies Game
It has good sightlines unless you get nachos in your eyes.
Picture Neckless Man Loves the Phillies
Weird, because many Philadelphians have large necks covered in chins.
Video Phillies Pitching Robot is the Joe Blanton of Robots
When the robots takeover, at least we'll be able to beat them at baseball.
News Phillies to Give Fans 50-Percent Ticket Refund On All Joe Blanton-Pitched Games
"We aim to run a class, fan-friendly organization," said team chairman Bill Giles. "And it's simply not fair that 20-percent of the fans who come to Citizens Bank Park this year will be forced to watch Joe Blanton pitch. That is — if we can't trade him or find someone to replace him. And please, God, let that happen. Please. As soon as possible."
The portly righty, who is decidedly not part of the "Fab Four," has a 10.45 ERA through his first two starts of the season, well above the ERAs of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt and Cliff Lee.
Philadelphia's Blanton refund program — tentatively dubbed "We're Sorry About Joe Blanton Refund Program" — will allow fans to get cash for their ticket at the start of the third inning or as soon as Blanton is knocked out of the game, whichever comes first.
Picture Phillies Fan Is Well Protected
It's the only way to get through a Phillies game without being covered in blood and vomit.
Picture Raul Ibanez is Checking for a Hernia
Who needs a cup when you just keep your hand there?
Picture This Phillies Broadcast Brought to You by Strip Clubs
Never before has a marketing program been targeted to a fanbase so perfectly. (via @darrenrovell)
Picture Sports Illustrated Accidentally Puts Joe Blanton On The Cover
He probably showed up for the photo shoot and they didn't know how to ask him to leave.
Opinion Transcript from the Phillies' Starting Rotation Introductory Press Conference
Scene: The press room at the Phillies spring training facility.
- PR Director
Thanks to everyone for coming. Let's get started. I'd like to introduce you to our 2010 starting rotation — the Four Aces! — Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels!
Everyone applauds.
- PR Director
Also, Joe Blanton is here.
Everyone points and laughs.
- PR Director
Okay, let's open it up for questions.
- Reporter 1
Joe, what's it like to be terrible?
News Joe Blanton Throws "5 Aces" Nickname Out There As an Idea
"Whaddaya say, fellas," Blanton said at Cliff Lee's signing, which he was not invited to. "5 Aces? It has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Four Aces is nice, sure. But 5 Aces is even better. It's one whole additional ace."
Blanton is slated for the back-end of the Philadelphia rotation that now includes Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels and Lee. All would be No. 1 or No. 2 starters on most every other team in baseball. Blanton went 9-6 last year with a 4.82 ERA.
"I won 16 games with the A's in 2006, you know," Blanton wrote in an e-mail to the Phillies marketing and promotions director last night. "That's more than Cole Hamels ever won. Really! Check his stats!"
