Filed Under » Philadelphia Phillies

Philadelphia Phillies starter Cole Hamels has admitted that he hit Nationals rookie Bryce Harper on purpose in the first inning Sunday night, and today apologized for the act.

“I don’t know what to say. I messed up,” said Hamels. “I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head.”

Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.

“I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew,” said Hamels. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn’t anything personal.

“I don’t know him at all,” said the pitcher, “although anyone who has met him says he’s unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else.”

Philadelphia Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro, Jr. spoke openly today about the weaknesses in his 102-win team that got bounced in the first round of the playoffs by the wild card St. Louis Cardinals.

“My focus here has always been building a great rotation,” said Amaro. “Cole Hamels came up through our system and I brought in Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cliff Lee. But our continued hitting woes in the playoffs shows this approach has some flaws. I acknowledge that. It’s on me that the pitchers I acquired did not hit better.”

Halladay, Lee, Hamels and Oswalt — the supposed stars of the team — went just 1-for-11 with 3 strikeouts in the 5-game series. Phillies closer Ryan Madson also went 0-for-1 with a punch-out, meaning Philadelphia’s pitchers hit .083 in the series and struck out in one-third of their at-bats.

“We scored 11 runs in the last four games and lost three of those games, getting shut out on three hits in the elimination,” said Amaro. “I’ve run the numbers and our ninth spot was by far the least productive. It was a huge hole at the bottom of our lineup. So to make this club better offensively, it’s my mission to bring in some pitchers who can hit.”