Spatula stamps are the new tramp stamps.
Yeah, more than a couple fans will get on him now.
This is going to hurt the reputation of blonde Hooters waitresses.
News Jimmy Rollins Terrified By His Negative PECOTA Projection After Nate Silver Aces Presidential Election
"My wife was telling me about this stats guy who nailed the whole election," said Rollins. "So I check out his site, and this dude got, like, every single electoral vote right."
Rollins proceeded to read as many of Silver's posts as he could, until hitting what he described as a "bullshit New York Times paywall". So the 2007 NL MVP went ahead and Googled "Nate Silver stats genius", wondering how the pollster expertly predicted Obama's razor-thin win in Florida, but instead discovered Silver's PECOTA projection system for baseball players' career trajectories.
"Apparently [Silver's] numbers say I'm gonna turn into Alan Trammell, but with less range. Which seems crazy, but that guy got 31 out of 33 Senate races right, so yeah, I'm gonna call that ESPN guy back about the color commentator job."
Unfortunately, the Phillies lost their fight.
This redeems Philadelphia for everything they've ever done. Almost.
Picture Phillies Horse Fan
He needs to be put down, just like the Phillies.
The Jokester in Chief.
News Roy Halladay Injury Dooms Phillies to Fielding Team with Just $50.4 Million in Starting Pitching
Halladay, the second-highest paid Phillies starter behind Cliff Lee, now forces Philadelphia to move forward with a rotation consisting of nothing more than Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Vance Worley, Joe Blanton and Kyle Kendrick.
"When you invest $70 million in a rotation, but end up only being able to pitch a $50 million rotation for a month or so, that really hurts," said Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro. "And Cliff Lee and Hamels make up $36.5 million of that. So we now only have one Cy Young winner in our rotation and, for the first time in years, less than half of our rotation has made an All-Star Game. Less than half! It's pretty bleak."
"I don't know what to say. I messed up," said Hamels. "I hit him in the small of his back, so I missed my target by about three feet, as I wanted to hit hit square in his stupid goddam face. My lack of control on that pitch is not acceptable. I expect better from myself, and I will forever regret not plunking him square in his douche head."
Hamels says he thinks he knows what happened on the pitch.
"I got so excited about the opportunity to smash his face, maybe to the point of knocking his helmet off and tearing a bald patch in his faux-hawk, blood pouring down his sideburns and into his mouth, that I overthrew," said Hamels. "I won't make that mistake again."
Hamels also stressed that trying to hit Harper in the face wasn't anything personal.
"I don't know him at all," said the pitcher, "although anyone who has met him says he's unbearable. I wanted to hit him in in the face based on appearances alone, nothing else."