His half-inch vertical is still his most amazing unathletic feat.
Mickelson and Watson are actually more attractive than several of the women Woods was linked to.
He looks like Lance Berkman. That's not a compliment.
Chin up. Still 71 holes to go! Or, maybe 35.
"There's blood. Blood everywhere. So much blood," said a clearly in shock Ian Poulter, who has repeatedly said that Tiger's dominance is over. "I- I Phil is dead. He's so dead."
Woods shot a 42 on the front-9 in the 1st Round at the Players Championship and then withdrew from the tournament with lingering knee pain. As he collected his belongings in the locker room, the Golf Channel was on a nearby television, and witnesses say he heard the TV analysts saying other players weren't scared of him anymore.
"He then took off his right shoe and held it above his head," said a weeping Stewart Cink. "'You don't fear me anymore?' he said. 'You will now, motherfkers.' And then it was so sudden. I couldn't rescue Phil."
Mickelson was sitting in front of his locker directly across from Woods. When the first spiked blows reigned down upon him, he elicited girl-like shrieks. And then he went silent, dead, as Woods continued to bludgeon his lifeless body, yelling: "WHO'S SCARED OF ME NOW? WHO'S SCARED OF ME NOW?" with each blow.
The assault only ended when Woods tweaked his knee on the slippery blood that pooled around him.
At times like this I remember what a great country this is.
And Phil Mickelson still doesn't need to try.
Professional golfer Phil Mickelson drove out of his Rancho Sante Fe, Calif., development this afternoon without incident and then pulled his Cadillac SUV over to celebrate the feat before family, friends and gathered media.
"Thank you, thank you very much," Mickelson said, stepping out of his car to applause, as his children ran up to him for a big hug in front of the cameras. "I'm so happy to have made it out of my neighborhood without crashing and having to have my wife pull me out of the car."
Mickelson then posed with his undented, pristine Escalade for 10 minutes for photographers before addressing the crowd.
"It was tough to get to this point, but the journey makes what I accomplished all the sweeter," said Mickelson. "I can't tell you how many hydrants I passed, how many trees were within mere yards of the car as I winded my way out of the development. But I stuck to my gameplan staying on the road and made it all the way to the main road."
With the uneventful trip in hand, Mickelson said he planned to head home and spend some time with his family.
"It's been a long, stressful trip," he said. "I was thinking of heading across town to run some errands. But I need a break. And I want to be with Amy and the kids for a while."
Mickelson then drove back into his neighborhood and crashed his Escalade into a light pole.