Video Phil Mickelson Falls Down, Remains Not an Athlete
His half-inch vertical is still his most amazing unathletic feat.
Picture Tiger Woods and "Threesome" Still Chuckle-Worthy
Mickelson and Watson are actually more attractive than several of the women Woods was linked to.
Picture Phil Mickelson Takes Batting Practice
He looks like Lance Berkman. That's not a compliment.
Video Phil Mickelson is Going to Win the US Open!!! Oh. Nevermind.
Chin up. Still 71 holes to go! Or, maybe 35.
News Tiger Woods Murders Phil Mickelson In Order to be Feared Again
"There's blood. Blood everywhere. So much blood," said a clearly in shock Ian Poulter, who has repeatedly said that Tiger's dominance is over. "I- … I … Phil is dead. He's so dead."
Woods shot a 42 on the front-9 in the 1st Round at the Players Championship and then withdrew from the tournament with lingering knee pain. As he collected his belongings in the locker room, the Golf Channel was on a nearby television, and witnesses say he heard the TV analysts saying other players weren't scared of him anymore.
"He then took off his right shoe and held it above his head," said a weeping Stewart Cink. "'You don't fear me anymore?' he said. 'You will now, motherf—kers.' And then … it was so sudden. I couldn't rescue Phil."
Mickelson was sitting in front of his locker directly across from Woods. When the first spiked blows reigned down upon him, he elicited girl-like shrieks. And then he went silent, dead, as Woods continued to bludgeon his lifeless body, yelling: "WHO'S SCARED OF ME NOW? WHO'S SCARED OF ME NOW?" with each blow.
The assault only ended when Woods tweaked his knee on the slippery blood that pooled around him.
Picture America Still Confident That Phil Mickelson is a Choker
At times like this I remember what a great country this is.
Picture Tiger Woods is Just Trying to Humiliate Himself Now
And Phil Mickelson still doesn't need to try.
Picture Phil Mickelson throws up in his mouth a little bit at the U.S. Open after realizing that Tiger Woods is still much better than him.
Picture Phil Mickelson gets the crowd laughing and applauding at the Masters with his stand-up routine of Tiger Woods sex jokes.
News Phil Mickelson Cockily Celebrates Successful Trip Out of His Driveway
Professional golfer Phil Mickelson drove out of his Rancho Sante Fe, Calif., development this afternoon without incident and then pulled his Cadillac SUV over to celebrate the feat before family, friends and gathered media.
"Thank you, thank you very much," Mickelson said, stepping out of his car to applause, as his children ran up to him for a big hug in front of the cameras. "I'm so happy to have made it out of my neighborhood without crashing and having to have my wife pull me out of the car."
Mickelson then posed with his undented, pristine Escalade for 10 minutes for photographers before addressing the crowd.
"It was tough to get to this point, but the journey makes what I accomplished all the sweeter," said Mickelson. "I can't tell you how many hydrants I passed, how many trees were within mere yards of the car as I winded my way out of the development. But I stuck to my gameplan — staying on the road — and made it all the way to the main road."
With the uneventful trip in hand, Mickelson said he planned to head home and spend some time with his family.
"It's been a long, stressful trip," he said. "I was thinking of heading across town to run some errands. But I need a break. And I want to be with Amy and the kids for a while."
Mickelson then drove back into his neighborhood and crashed his Escalade into a light pole.
